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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP just called me a fat slag [sad]

24 replies

SharkiraSharkira · 08/08/2017 00:21

It's my day off at work tomorrow so I've had a few several drinks and DP and I were mucking around and he called me a fat slag.

The slag thing, whilst not great, is a sort of an 'in joke' on account of me having a high libido to match DP but the 'fat' bit really stung.

I'm a size 16 (ish) and really not happy about it, I'm self conscious and insecure about my size and don't feel sexy at any time because of it so for DP to make a jibe about that really hurt Sad

Feel like I just don't want to have sex with him at all now. Maybe in 6-12 months when I'm skinny after having starved myself due to DP's 'joking'. Don't even really know what the point is in posting, I'm just upset.

OP posts:
ConfusedNoMore · 08/08/2017 00:25

Nasty. Hate the word slag and wouldn't accept that even as joking. Tell him why you're upset. If he doesn't profusely apologise and want to make you feel better then I'd be having a rethink about him

BadHatter · 08/08/2017 00:26

Shitty thing for him to say, even in jest.

Is this the first time he's referenced your being overweight?

Original poster
SharkiraSharkira · 08/08/2017 00:42

Sadly not, Hatter. I suspect he feels like he is 'helping' somehow, by taking the piss I think he feels he is giving me motivation to lose weight but it isn't working. Just makes me feel like shit.

OP posts:
hoopieghirl · 08/08/2017 01:28

Feel your pain happened to me yesterday

yousignup · 08/08/2017 01:31

Please don't think that him calling you a slag is OK. It really isn't, high libido or not. The fat thing is just damn rude and mean. I am sorry, OP.

HelenaDove · 08/08/2017 02:06

Well since he wants you to lose weight so badly he will be a huge support when you want to abstain from sex AND from using any hormonal contraception as both this and pregnancy cause weight gain and im sure as hes already shown he wants you to lose weight he wont mind making the sacrifice of abstaining from sex to give you the best possible chance And condoms being used on their own can split so its the same risk. Im sure he will be very happy to give you the best chance possible!

Personally id LTB but not before saying the above to him first.

absolutelynot · 08/08/2017 02:11

In some sort of roleplay/dirty talk scenario, I am sure that word is acceptable, but not in reference, joking or otherwise, when it references your actual percieved behaviours. Calling you fat is just gross. If he thinks any of this is helpful, you really need to have a think about how you want to be spoken too. If he thinks this is OK, he is soooooo wrong. But don't panic about having sex with him, just excuse yourself with "didn't want to play with your tiny worm anyway....sorry, was that not helpful?" see how he likes it.

Isetan · 08/08/2017 04:58

Interesting, slag is ok but fat is not.

May I suggest that name calling should stop being a facet of your relationship because I really don't see how being called a demeaning word aimed at shaming women about their sexual desires is more acceptable than being called out on your size.

The pair of you need to grow up.

SomeOtherFuckers · 08/08/2017 05:47

That's awful. Today my DP had a numb bum cheek ... he said ' can I have yours , then I could do the squats you need to do for you' ... I'm 22 with an H shaped arse ... sorry I'm not fucking bellahadid

coldflange · 08/08/2017 05:50

Yikes.

He needs to apologise and really mean it.

No person who professes to love you should say those things. Dreadful.

Hope you are ok, OP.

WiltingTulip · 08/08/2017 06:20

isetan is right.

Naicehamshop · 08/08/2017 06:43

Horrible. Don't accept this - you need to really tell him how offensive he has been and how it has made you feel. Sad

christmaswreaths · 08/08/2017 06:53

I would be more upset at the slag comment but either are disgusting. I hope you told him there and then how angry and upset you felt.. If not you need to asap.

Cantdenyit · 08/08/2017 07:52

Horrible insults and both awful words. Are you going along with the 'in joke'? I don't think it's funny.

LoyaltyAndLobster · 08/08/2017 07:54

What a nasty thing to say.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 08/08/2017 07:54

I'm sorry Op, that's horrible Flowers
Absolutely no need for him to say that, it was nasty. Sadly people tend to reveal their true selves once they've had a few drinks..

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/08/2017 08:20

So he is insulting you like this in order for you to lose weight. Well that is really going to work out well isn't it. NOT. I hate men who do that to their, what they really see as, their possession. I've seen this on here before from some men who have done the self same to their partners; it makes said woman feel shit.

I would personally undergo an instant weight loss of around 14 stone non Adonis by giving this person the boot. This is not how you should be treated in a relationship.

Chloe421 · 08/08/2017 08:35

I'm sorry. He sounds plain rude and as though he has little respect for you. You do not deserve to hear such vile statements from someone who professes to care for you.

glenthebattleostrich · 08/08/2017 08:59

What a wanker. And that's all he would be doing from now on as he'd certainly not be getting access to my body.

I do have to ask why you having a high libido makes you a slag? I love sex and have slept with a hell of a lot of men when single (always careful, never anyone attached) but I don't consider myself to be a 'slag' or whatever mysogynistic term they want to trot out.

I'd be dumping anyone who had such little respect for me personally and women in general.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 08/08/2017 09:14

What a nasty shithead. You don't say things like that to someone you're supposed to love.
I have a high sex drive and I'm currently trying to lose weight.. My DP has managed not to insult me or call me horrible names. It's not hard to not be a cunt.

Smellyrose · 08/08/2017 09:19

So, you're a slag for having a libido that matches DP's but he isn't called derogatory names for having the same libido?

orangewasp · 08/08/2017 09:28

My ex H used to say stuff about my weight...note use of the word ex, he'd have been out of the door even faster if he's added the word slag in there - what a turn off. Nowadays I'd instantly ditch anyone who was so derogatory/held that kind of view.

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 08/08/2017 18:32

Call him a stupid ugly cunt. If he gives you Hmm then explain you are only joking. He should be fine with that, surely.

Neutrogena · 08/08/2017 20:48

If it was a joke said in a jokey way i wouldnt worry. Sounds like it.
Talk to him, not the internet. Then he will apologise and you can move on.

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