What would a counsellor say?

[User2410]

I think I should book to see a councillor but I just feel like a waste of their time. Like no-one has died. But it feels like someone has.
I'm in the middle of a divorce. My exh ended the relationship in Feb. Although on and off, saying he wasnt sure if it was the end or not. Even though i found out he cheated and kept it from me for over a year. But I thought to myself cheating doesn't make u a bad person, I've been surrounded by that sort of relationship growing up so I expected it to be honest. His issues behind leaving me were because I trapped him into this family life by having 2 children against his will. Which is most certainly not true. He's seemed happy with me generally but there have been occasions since DS was born that hed voiced his unhappiness but it always seemed to come down to the fact he hated his job and we didn't have time or money to do things together. Xmas just gone he wrote me a lovely card saying how he was excited to go into his new job with me by his side and how he loved me more than i knew. I thought we would end up getting back together, he was talking about moving in to the house id just started renting and we were getting on really well. He started the new job and all of a sudden wanted a divorce and was acting cold. Turns out he is in a new relationship with a colleage which I should have expected, he was just keeping his options open the whole time. He's even booked a weekend away with her instead of spending it with the kids. I just cant get the situation out of my head it's like he is a different person entirely, nothing feels real about my life at the moment. He was my safe place and i cant let it go. I do all the things I'm suppose to, I plod along. Is this just goinf through the works? It feels like after 6/7 months I should be accepting it.

Christ woman, you wouldn't be wasting a counsellors time. You have been through such upheaval and shock! Of course you feel as if you're bereaved. You are bereaved! The end of a marriage is like a death.

You poor thing. Please if you can access counselling, do. It will help so much. My heart goes out to you x

Counselling was made for this. You would not be wasting their time at all. X

Thanx for your replies. I just don't know what they could possibly say to make me feel any better. I already know what to do and what to think. Maybe I'm just having a bad week.

Hi Op, you're not having a bad week, you are grieving the end of a relationship you had a lot invested in and you have been utterly let down and betrayed by someone who was quite self absorbed and selfish. Of course you are going through the motions, poor you.

As someone who has had lots of therapy, I can't recommend it enough. It's a safe environment where you can explore your feelings, your background and come to understand yourself and how you got into your situation. It sounds from your initial post that you have been programmed from childhood to see betrayal as normal. A therapist doesn't tell you how to think and feel, they listen and guide you to explore your choices and where they have come from. I can't explain it but it's like switching on a light so you can see things more realistically, make better decisions, improve your self esteem.

It's not self indulgent when you are in trauma. It's an investment, especially for any future relationships. I hope you feel better soon.

And there's a difference, saying something out loud, and being properly heard by another person. Sometimes that can be almost magical- you ' hear 'what you're saying, and realise something important. Or, just literally let it out, and it's gone.
Surprisingly different to having the same thoughts go round your own head.
A counselor might have an insight that hasn't occurred to you. Or they might hear and acknowledge you.

Only one way to find out..... Does sound like you've had a very hard time, and counseling might be helpful and supportive.