Feel guilty about leaving my mum and need some advice.

[chocfull]

I am an only child and have had an intense and sometimes volatile relationship with my mum for many years. She has been divorced for years and lives on her own.
After many years discussing and deliberating my DH and I decided to move abroad. This was an extremely difficult decision for me to make.
During our time abroad we have had our first child, my mum´s first grandchild. Although she comes out to visit often and for extended periods of time I cannot help feeling guilty for not being around the corner. It doesn´t help when she tells me I´ve taken her only grandchild away from her. The situation has caused untold amounts of rows between me and my DH and I´m seriously thinking of going back to the UK as it would make life so much easier.
What I´m really wanting to know is do you think I have been totally selfish for even contemplating never mind actually moving abroad in the first place. Don´t think I can cope with the guilt for much longer.

You have your own life to lead and you have to do what feels right for you and your family. I'm sure its hard for your Mum but she needs to support your decision.

You can't plan your whole life just to make her feel better - perhpas moving abroad has been good for her and given her the impetus to try new things? Just becasue she's complaining does not mean she's unhappy (good rule of thumb for all mothers )

Of course I don't think you've been totally selfish, what an odd idea! You are entitled to live anywhere you like. It must be hard for your mother but you bring children up to become adults able to make their own choices.

You've done what you can for your mother by inviting her for extended visits. Don't let her views spoil life for your immediate family - dh, your dd/ds.

Think about it from your dd/ds's POV when they grow up - would you stop them moving away from you?

chocfull, throw that guilt away NOW. I'm mum to an only child, and not for one second have I any expectation that as an adult he will be around. He may be, or he may find me utterly annoying and only come round when my future DIL makes him on birthdays and christmas, or he may go and live in Australia! He is utterly free to do any of that stuff, he is loaned to me for a number of precious years and that's it. It's totally unfiar of a parent to have expectations of your presence or to make you feel guilty. You are not unreasonable in this scenario and have nothing to feel guilty about at all. You're making your own, happy independent life and as a parent that's what you want for your child, isn't it?

I can understand how I would have a sadness in my life if DS' involvement with me was totally minimal, but that's my issue to deal with, not DS'.

Thanks girls for all your replies, they have helped a lot.
SittingBull - helps to know I'm not the only one in this type of situation. I know I can't be really but it mostly feels that I am. Having someone out there who can 'relate' helps enormously.
I totally agree with what you say Sunnysideup, I know I want the same for my DS, I certainly want him to fly and spread his wings when the time comes. (He's only 3 months!) My mother's attitude to me only serves to reinforce this even more.