Men overreacting

[Loobie]

This is so like my partner nothing is ever his fault and anything that ever happens whether in the house with the kids,him or me always results in him screaming his head off usually at me or the kids.sometimes i hate him so much i wish one day he would come home tell me loves someone else and leave us all in peace.harsh i know but what can i say........

Loobie, this does not sound overly harsh to me. I feel exactly the same way about my husband. I had never thought about it as overreacting. I always phrase it as " why do you have to make out everything is worse than it is?" If my lovely two year old son is in a mood and playing up, my husband gets really angry and wound up, as if he is about to explode.If a driver is too close to him he gets into a rage and goes on and on about it...
Until recently he was full time dad, and I got so fed up with coming home from work to my husband's miserable face and complaints about how awful and stressful the day had been (kids are 2 and 1). I always doubted that it could really be SO bad being at home with the kids. Now I am home alone with them most of the week, and just as I expected, it is hard work, but nothing stress wise compared to the job I was doing, and a downright joy most of the time.I honestly believe he ( and many men ) is just a big spoiled baby who stamps his foot when things don't go his way. Like you I often really hate him and would be relieved if he came home to tell me he met someone else. Actually he is a VERY good father, just a completely miserable git! If it were not for the kids I would tell him to leave.
What a cheery new year message! It felt good to get that off my chest, though.

My DH is far better at real situations than me. Recently my daughter rang into the door handle resulting in a deep wound in the side of her temple, I was panicking getting shoes etc etc to take her down causaulty and he was calm and collected!!! However he does got totally over board about the state of our house - threatoning to throw out the kids toys etc and he has been known to sterilise (using miltons) the baby toys.

jolene im so glad i'm not the only one who feels like this.Dh used to be so good in the house,housework etc so everyone thought he was a wonderful new man. i would cringe and think if only they new,now he is begining to question why im going out as if i dont need to go out. the house is so much calmer when he is at work or in bed.our eldest son has a social/behavioural problem which after much research i think to be aspergers but dh just wont accept that there is something wrong and that he is simply a spoilt brat .aahh i really could scream, my best friends dh is even worse than mine and we have decided between us that this will be the year that we break free from both of them.good luck with your hubby and have a good new year.

Loobie, how old are your kids? Are you really serious about leaving him? Are you dependant on him financially or in any other way?
I am not at all dependant on my husband for money,(in fact he is a drain on our resources) but feel very physically dependant as I really do not know how I would physically cope on my own, in terms of having enough energy to get me through the day. Did I mention I am heavily pregnant? At the moment I sleep for three hours every afternoon. It preserves my sanity. Without him I would not have that luxury. Terrible reason to stay in a very unhappy marriage I know, but I'm being practical ( and honest) here.
I hope in the middle of all this you and your family can enjoy a happy time over the new year celebrations and I send you both my sympathies for a non ideal domestic situation and my warmest good wishes for the coming year.

Loobie, if you tell your dh about your plans to leave him, maybe it will shock him into changing his ways. Sometimes men take us for granted and think that we will never leave them, they like to kid themselves that we are so dependant on them, financially, emotionally, etc. But you have to be serious about it, stay at a friend's house for a while or your parents if you can, and maybe being on his own for a while will bring him to his senses. From what I have read about him on this and the other marial relationships post, he has a lot of changing to do and it is obviously affecting your children too, so for their sakes this new year make it your resolution to make or break this destructive relationship. Will he go for counselling with you? If he says no, you could make it one of the conditions that you will come back to him.
Alternatively, make a list of what traits/bad habits you would like him to change and ask him to do the same. Talk to him all the time, even if he is not listening, never stop communicating, at least if the relationship does end, you can console yourself by knowing that you did all you could to save it.

Good luck and happy new year to you!

Hi Loobie and Jolene, I've just read your postings. all I can say is, do something now!!! I have procrastinated about leaving my husband for about 2 years after his miserable behaviour before and after the birth of our second child. I've been having an affair with someone for 2 years and after saying i wanted to leave him (husband ) again and again, this autumn i think the message finally got home and he begged me to go to counselling. we are in the throes of it, but i feel it is all to late and I still want to go. Two children, aged 4 and 7. I am well aware of the fact that the affair has affected the way I have been with him and take full responsibility for it but i do feel if I had been stronger in the first place with my husband I would not now be left feeling nothing for him. Of course the affair has affected my feelings for him, but i should have made my feelings clearer to him ages ago (although i sometimes think men just don't get what we are saying to them anyway, however hard we try!)and got some self respect, instead of being to chicken to say anything. It's not acceptable to shout and scream and although we all do it, well most of us I guess, it should n't be a regular thing, No one should have to live in such a climate of discomfort (an understatement probably ) and we should all expect respect from our partners. I have had enough rows along the you-should-have-done-this line to last a bloody life time. Good luck to you girls in 2002 and whatever you decide, be strong because you will cope I'm sure. Take heed from a weed who regrets her lack of courage and wishes she'd left ages ago!

Dh also has a problem with our no.1 son who is currently undergoing assessment for underlying social problems,he just sees our son as a spoilt brat and not a child with a possible problem.Earlier on today i told him that i cant live with him any longer and it seems that he cant with me and as our son is a total brat then he should just leave,so i can no doubt expect an ear bashing tonight when kids are asleep.I dont depend on him in any way, in fact he was recently working away only coming home for one week out of four and this proved to me just how well i could cope without him. Now i just have to make him believe that it really is over and there is no point in trying to fix anything as there is nothing left to fix.thank for all your support, ill keep you posted on how i get on.

jolene just think about having to bring another child into this relationship,think about how you feel after giving birth as it is without having to deal with your dh attitude also.My kids,both boys,are 3 and 6 tomorrow.Dh and i have been together for eight years,I'm 25 and he's 32 and our problems are nothing to do with the age difference only the fact that he is a crabbit git 24/7.We are not married only in law so in a way this makes the break easier(not so many legalities).Find the strength to make the break now before the baby comes cause you will feel worse then(hormones and all that).

I clicked on to Relationships to see if anyone else is feeling like me and guess what - or course there are other women just like me feeling miserable and it does give me some degree of comfort - I have been with my dp for 10 years and our ds is now 4 and I am constantly thinking if his moods dont get any better then I cant take anymore. Why are men so ...!! miserable why cant they just get on with life like we do - see the good in simple stuff like my ds making me laugh so much it hurts. I do love him (my dp that is) but sometimes love really is not enough I do not want to have to try and judge his mood all the time, tread carefully round him try to get my son to behave so he doesnt "upset daddy" why is life so hard. We spent New Year's Eve in separate rooms because he sunk into deep drepression the day after boxing day - he's tried counselling - he rules out drugs so what else can I do. I dont want to leave him for lots of reasons but one is fear of him doing something stupid like taking our son - yeah I know all the legal stuff about me more than likely getting custody but I dont want to have to go through of all that

Dear lulu
If you are not married, he won't get custody. You are the legal custodian of your child.