Divorcing and having a little panic

[PawsyMcPawFace]

When will it all end FFS? He's been dragging his heels, we're still in same house (separate rooms). Its fucking awful. Looks like I might have to threaten with court to get his financial details. Got the first mediation meeting tomorrow but theyre likely to say its not suitable for mediation.

Now he's told me he's in the final negotiation stage of selling his business. I don't know if it's bullshit or not because he's been saying all sorts of things but now I'm having a little worry that he'll have no income and expect me to pay maintenance and him have the kids. Which ain't going to happen. I'm part time with the prospect of a few more hours when my youngest starts High school this sept.

He wanted 50:50 last time we spoke (kids). I haven't got a problem with this because I know kids will want to live with me. I know I'll probably regret not going for child maintenance because the kids will be with me for most of the time, despite what he thinks.

I just feel sick to my stomach that he's going to have me over financially. I don't know what to do for the best. I'll ask mediator tomorrow what would happen if he's effectively unemployed. He's been wearing me down and down. I need some sense talking in to me. He's had almost fuck all to do with the kids since they've been born. Tosser

Didn't want to read and run - he sounds awful.

Bet he is saying most of this in order to panic you, though. Would he really want to have the dc that much if he's had little to do with them all their lives?

Keep going and keep posting. You can do this!

Life will get better just keep yourself together and don't get wound up if you can . Xx

Sounds like you should assume the worst about him and money

Don't agree to 50/50 on the assumption that he won't seek to enforce it.

He is so not the man I thought he was. It's pretty much rocked my world to realise what an absolute tosser he is. I caught him lying the other day. I never would have thought it.

I don't know if he really means that he wants the kids 50:50. He wouldn't cope. He spent a week looking after the kids the other week - I had to really push him, I couldn't take the time off from work. He complained about it. House looks like a tip, clothes going stinky because he's left the washing damp for too long, has to be done all over again. I'm having to look after the kids the rest of the holiday because he's too busy at work. He took them out once. The rest of the time was spent playing computer games.

The last half term, he complained to MY solicitor that he hadn't had time to get his financial stuff together because I MADE HIM look after the kids.

It makes me feel sick. I so want this sorted.

Loopy - do you have any experience? I was thinking of just agreeing but then just allow the kids to stay with me mostly. I know they will. But that is my style. I hate confrontation and he can be quite aggressive. God I'm a mug.

I had a bad break up with my ex that took aaaages (9 months) before we lived apart. No kids. In hindsight I should have gotten a social worker to help me make decisions and get stuff done. Ex was severy procrastinating and I just wanted to move on and ex cost me a lot more money because I was so tired of fighting and I didn't know all my rights.

I should have gotten a social worker and a lawyer after the first month. It would have saved me so much stress and about 15.000 euro...

The weird part that I never understood is his procrastination while HE was the one that dumped ME for OW.

So please get professional people to help you.

Sorry haven't read it all, but now being the other side myself please do keep the faith. Don't give up anything or do yourself short just to get it over with. 😘

for you OP - awful situation to be in. I'm part-way through divorce and stbxh has so far followed through on his intentions to get 50/50. He's taken me to court over it twice now and I've had to toughen up and not give an inch any more - last time I did in court (under legal advice) he renaged on his word and keeps my youngest dc even when he wants to come home.

So, don't trust him on anything, write everything down including anything your dc says if he has contact, get it sorted legally and stick to what you think is right for your dc. It might take time - 8 months and counting here - but you'll get there.

This has got court written all over it, god knows what he is doing with his business assets meanwhile. Get a lawyer ASAP if you haven't got one and make it clear you want full financial disclosure now or you will go ahead and apply to the court for them to decide.

Keep posting here. It is all date and time stamped. My husband has finally agreed to a divorce because he condones violence against women (against me in particular). I have already spoken to my financial advisor and the bank.

Hi OP,
I had something similar. I'd recommend phoning the CMS and having a chat. They will look at the HMRC records for his earnings and give you money based on that so he can't wriggle out straight away (but he could fiddle it for next financial year if he's self employed). The CMS will work on last tax year so you'll be ok to start with as they're looking at money he's already earned iyswim.
I wish I'd rung them earlier as it took ages and they only backdate so far.
It might be worth a phonecall to see where you're at, even if the 50/50 isn't definitely agreed yet.
If your ex is like mine he thought he could bully me, pay less than he told the mediator and I'd just put up with his tardy payments. So he feckin HATED it when I just asked the CMS to deal with it instead. I'd do it again in a heartbeat - it's free and it's made for gits like him!

Now is the time to ditch any past conflict avoidance or appeasing and seek the best possible (in the circumstances) outcomes for you and the DC.

Tell your solicitor of these developments.

No experience, no, just think that your reasons for agreeing to 50/50 sound risky. if you agree to it assuming he doesn't mean it and will listen to DCs' preferences he might well seek to enforce it, eg to avoid maintenance or annoy you. The DCs' wishes (depending on age) may well not be a key factor if it goes to court.

You don't think 50/50 would be good for the DC so, as a starting point, suggest what you think would work.

Also suggest seeking financial/benefits advice to see what your position will be if as seems likely he does behave badly re money.

Thank you all. I need a kick up the butt. Once I've been to the mediatotr, I'll update my solicitor and go from there. This process is truly awful. Much worse than I thought it would be, no thanks to him