Help

[Willing2acceptAdvice]

Hi all

I am have been on this site for a long while. I have put a few posts on about the same subject. I think I need to make a decision now about whether or not I stay with my current partner and have children or leave and find someone else...

I am now almost 35. I will be 35 in October. So my dream was to have two children and be married by the time I was 35 or at least have the second one being born by then. This clearly hasn't happened.

I started having "doubts" about two years ago, but I decided to try and work on my relationship. This was mainly becuase my partner and I had a few disagreements about money etc, marriage and when to set the date. I asked her to marry me the day we brought a house together. We agreed that we would work at paying of debt and save but this just changed one day. She wanted to get married sooner, but I didn't feel like we could afford it. It ended up with an ultimatum "if you don't marry me before I'm 30 I'll go and find someone who will". A distance grew between us as the arguments increased. I began chatting to an old friend who I had been on one date with a long time ago. I felt like we had more in common than me and my partner did. The moment it started getting flirty I stopped messenging her. However the doubt grew and as a result of the pressure and dealing with some horrific incidents at work I had a nervous break down.

I went to the doctors and was diagnosed as having PDST, anxiety and depression. I was a jittery shaking mess. I still to this day suffering anxiety.

I have a lid on it to a degree now. Some days I don't feel it some days I do.

Now my anxiety has seemingly latched on to wanting children and being a dad in my late 30's. I know men can have children when they want but I always planned to be a younger dad. I know men don't really use this site as it's "mums net" but really need some electronic hugs and advice...

I am envious of my brother who met a fantastic woman who already has two children and had his own with her. They see him as their dad and me as their uncle etc. The eldest didn't see her dad when they met 6 years ago. I class him as very lucky to have an amazing family.

But what do I do? I want children. I never Invisiged being an old dad. My anxiety isnt that I am old now. It's later in life when I'm 50/60 and what age my child will be then. My anxiety worries me mad when I think about it. I have friend who had had children as late as 46 but that isn't for me.

I want to be there for my children as they grow up, I want to be an active dad. I don't want them to be embarrassed of me when I pick them up from the school gates.

So come one folks, advice on what to do. Stories about who met their partners after 35. Or who had children post 35? How do you feel now? Did anyone else have worries about having children after 35?

Thanks all in advance

First of all, stop comparing yourself to other people. They aren't you and they do not have the perfect life you have projected onto them. Secondly, if you are still with your girlfriend, leave. This is not a healthy relationship. Third, get into therapy and keep going as long as you need to. It appears that you have been focusing so much on who you think you ought to be and what you think you should already have that you have lost your sense of self in the process. You are not old. You will not miss out on anything. Take a step back and start living again.

I'm just 23 however I am the child of an older father! My Dad was 41 when I was born and I can honestly say it hasn't made a blind bit of difference. I was never embarrassed that my Dad was older, and it never stopped him from being active. He wouldn't be able to be so active now at nearly 63, but all of my siblings and I are adults now so it doesn't matter at all. At the end of the day, if you'd be a good Dad now at almost 35 then you'd be just as great later on, if not even better.

Wish you all the best whenever you have your kids, and have some electronic * hugs *