I just need to write this. I dont know who i am anymore. I have been in a relationship with a sociopath narcissist for nearly two years. Up to couple of months ago i thought that the change was only in my my way of thinking . Losing the common sense and the ability to see clearly that what he is doing is not normal. But no, thats not the only damage.
I became depressed and anxious. As soon as i think of him or talk to him i feel this rage inside . I dont even know why i feel ,is it towards him or myself? I was never an angry person before i meet him. Anger was very very rare for me to feel. I became oversensitive , i cry for the silliest of reasons. Stressed and upset constantly. I feel that i dived into a dark place and i can not see the way out. My personality and who i am been ripped apart slowly and i havent even realized what was happening
And my compassion and care for people , is now restricted to loved ones. I dont want to meet new people, if anyone i dont know tries to talk to me i feel weak, i just want to run away. And if anyone asks me any question about my life i am so suspicious. The narcissist made me open up my heart to him. Then he used everything to verbally attack me, intimidate me, and manipulate me.
And i am upset with myself. How could i let him talk to me like this. How could i accept all his crap. How i allowed him to change me like this.If anyone else was telling me my story as theirs and all he did to me i would be horrified and wondering why the hell stayed with that person. And yet i did
I dont like at all who i became