Husband left me, heartbroken and feel betrayed

[Alwaysneedinggoodadvice]

Hi everyone,
My DH of 11 years walked out on me at the end of May. He seemed to suddenly start taking lots of drugs, staying out over night disappearing for weekends, and flirting with other women. I asked him to leave and think about whether he wanted to be married. The next day I came from work and he'd moved out! He never talked to me about what happened. I later found out three weeks after leaving he slept with another woman and they are going away on holiday for a week in Amsterdam. She even has a profile pic of my hubby with her like we used to!! I am devastated. I can't believe he has had sex with someone else. I also can't believe he let our 17 year relationship go just like that. I am trying to cope but drinking a lot. Going to get counselling so I don't do something stupid. Any advice? I miss who he used to me. He used to be my best friend. We used to have an amazing marriage. I cry a lot. Can't sleep properly and not eating properly.

Hi :-)
Omg that's so dreadful, what a prick. This must be hurrendous!
You need to see your GP immediately and say exactly what you just wrote. Take a friend /sibling if you need to but please get help.
My only practical advice is to NOT obsess and constantly check social media. You're doing yourself no favours here, even though it's hard (trust me I know) xx
I always think that people DO change and like you've said, you miss the person he USED to be :-( I'd let her have the giant man baby, drug taking prick but then I haven't been in love / involved for years like you have so it's easy for me to say.
What's your daily routine like ? Do you work etc ? xX

JenNtonic (fabulous name btw). It's like being in a nightmare. I wake up everyday still in shock, I do work but have today off. I am booked into get counselling Thursday this afternoon. I feel I really need the support.
He's such a dick. I can't believe he's done it. He tried to say it wasn't adultery because he'd left me!!

You poor love X My partner of 20 years left in dec 2106 after an affair. Different circumstances to you. I will say I think he was in an 'altered state' for a few months after and it took him a while to come down, however after time he confirmed he didn't want to come back. It took me 7 months, I would say, to fully admit to myself it was over and it has been very difficult. A therapist will be good here - but please change him/her if it doesn't feel right - I went through 2 before I settled on my current one. All I can say is:
One day at a time.
For god's sake stop drinking.
Look after yourself as best you can.
He has shown you who he is - believe him.

You don't say how old you both are, but if you met when you were young and he's in his late thirties, early forties - It is unlikely he will come back - however just my opinion. I wouldn't take him back either - you are young enough to start a new chapter - NOTHING lasts forever. One of the most painful things is realising the person you loved is not there anymore - indeed if he ever was. I felt my partner had hidden a lot of his dissatisfaction and anger from me and that hurt a lot. It's a bastard - but you are not alone. Hugs.

Lol thanks, it's me, in a drink xx

I see, you're really brave going to counselling. I dont mean to be rude but maybe you're waking up in shock because you're going robbed abit anaesthetised from the alcohol xx it helps nothing and misery loves a bevvy :-( xx
Wether or not it's adultery doesn't matter, it's hurtful, wrong, selfish and piggish. If he wants to be a teenager again then let him.
I think the key with these things is not to overwhelm yourself with what's going to happen in a month or "maybe when they've fizzled out" etc.
Rosa bug is right, Day by day for you lovely lady is the best way forward, you need to look after yourself and counselling is an excellent way to start. Never for one second think that this is down to you because people always do exactly what they want to do, "perfect model wife" regardless (I'm not patronising you I'm just thinking of these celebs that cheat on or leave outstandingly beautiful women..... because they just want to ) xx

We are both 45. We've been together for 17 years. Married for 11. Yes, I feel really devastated that he did not give us a chance. He never said he was unhappy. He just started behaving like a complete drug obsessed idiot. Taking lots of drugs and disappearing for 48 hours at a time.
He's agreed to pay £550 to get the divorce petition underway on the grounds of adultery.
You are right of course, I cannot ever accept him back. I deserve much better.

Thx JenNtonic your words are so comforting and helpful. Counselling booked for Thursday.
Onwards!!
I am so hurt right now. Crying so much. I hate that he's ruined my past. We were so close and did everything together.
But I know I will get better because some of you have been through this and you are ok.

Take care of yourself. I've been through it and can assure you that it gets easier. Don't put too much pressure on yourself.

He hasn't ruined your past and he certainly can't be allowed to ruin your future. Be kind to yourself and imagine what you'd say to your best friend if this was her in your shoes xx
Might be a small victory to think that in a few months time he'll have gone to the dogs with all the drugs .... pathetic.
I can imagine you were close and did everything together ... but this now seems false I bet which Is so hurtful it's unbelieveable. I can't stress how much "day by day" is helpful. Hot baths, distraction, fill your days, re arrange some books, wash ya bedding, just lovely little baby goals :-)
Bloody right he's paying the petition and honestly, trust me, do not give him anything to think "aw she still wants me"... no reaction, no crying,no web stalking,no comments. You're better than that and he's no longer your drugged up,disappearing problem xx

This is a horrible horrible time.
There's not getting away from that I'm afraid.
I cried and cried and cried as well.
For hours on end.
It never ceased to amaze me how many tears one small body can produce.
And do NOT beat yourself up about drinking.
We do it. It's a coping thing in the beginning.
Counselling will help.
Do you have family and friends around you at all?
They will help you through this.
Try to keep busy.
Join a gym.
Get on meetup.com and go to some meet ups.
Get to your local GUM clinic as well.
Drug use and sex...!! Get checked out as fast as you can.
The crying will subside.
You WILL get there.
It took me a year to get back to me.
Do not expect miracles.
This happened only a couple of months ago.
for you.

Well - I'm 56 and when I'm a little stronger on I am back on the horse of life! 45 and on drugs? - I'm afraid he is going down somewhere dark. If you look back you will maybe see a point when things turned. I can see now with me and my partner - it was about 6/7 years ago. I choose to remember us before this date, before he began to take his personal failings and dissatisfactions out on us. Long serious relationships hardly ever end clean and swiftly - often more a slow long blind stumbling, then a horrible car crash. I hope you have a good friend to support you during this time. X

Thx scrabbler3 🤗😘

Thx JenNtonic xx

Excellent advice, HellsBellsmelon. I am lucky to have a lot of amazing women around me. I've been leaning on them to keep busy. And to sit with me when I cry and try and rationalise what has happened but of course there is not logic to it. He's just a dick with no morals. Xx

Thx Rosabug xx

We're all here knocking around procrastinating anyway so just chat away xx you can pm me if you'd like a moan, I have tea, tissues and chocolates xxxx I also make really good life like voodoo dolls if you want to put a pic of your ex up (joke) xx update us on the counselling xx

lol JenNTonic!!! That really made me laugh!! Thank you xx

wheat grass and kebab skewers at the ready ! Xx

xx

I have a friend who put her shitty ex's name on a piece of paper and then placed it in the freezer. Does it count as voodoo??

Joking aside it made her feel a lot better.

I'm so so sorry OP! My dad went on a 'business trip' and left my mum ( 20 years together) a week later. It destroyed her and me and my sister at the time. 10 years later she is engaged, my sister is a doctor and I am with a lovely partner. You can survive this and live a better life without the dickhead.

Jeaux I love that ! Tell him to chill