We have been together for several years and have one LO. I found out when i was pregnant that OH had about £7k debt when i didn't think he had any. I had randomly found a letter from the bank talking about a loan and then he also owned up to a bit of credit card debt on top of that (because i had pushed). he said the debt was a slow growth from slight overspending each month and from when his car needed a load of stuff doing to it. i did find this believable at the time. I was a bit panicked though because with going off work for mat leave, we wouldn't have as much money as i had thought originally. i organise all the household bills but we have separate accounts for our own spending money and put money into a different account (that is actually my old one that he doesn't have access to) for all the bills. i know how much he gets paid and how much mat pay i would get so had worked out how much we would have and how much we would need to save to be fine for my mat leave. i felt really lied to and stupid and betrayed.
i have now found out 6 months later that actually he has about four times the amount of debt he told me about when i was pregnant and that quite a large chunk of this was spent on drugs. he is saying that he needed to take what would normally be called recreational drugs to get through the day because of anxiety and stress and low self esteem. he had been taking them for months and months regularly and i had absolutely no idea. i am really upset again about the lying and this huge amount of debt that he has lied about too especially as when the last lot came out i gave him many opportunities to admit to any other stuff and made all sorts of threats about leaving him (that now seem totally pointless and empty). i was also really angry that drugs have been in our house especially as we have a LO.
i now have all of his online banking details for all his accounts. he has a bank account with money in that he is allowed to spend and everything else is going on bills and his debt.
a day doesn't pass by without me thinking about the debt. i am worried that when our mortgage is up for renewal that we won't get another one because of all the debt. i am really worried that after the several years it will take us to pay this debt off, that i will find out he has run up a load more somehow. i also really struggle to trust that he isn't doing anything he shouldn't be.
has anyone else had this sort of situation (drug related or just debt) and it has all worked out fine in the end?
i do want us to be ok and work, but I'm worried i will never trust him again and also worried he will do something else. i don't want to waste four years on paying this debt off to find out i have been betrayed again. i would rather just split up now, him have to deal with his own debt and me and my LO get on with our lives without him (obviously he could still see LO, but i would have custody)
sorry for the long post. i am finding this all really hard to deal with and needed to have a rant.