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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Domestic violence

17 replies

autumnrained · 06/08/2017 22:40

Sorry for any typos

Here goes

My sister is 27 and has been a single parent since the age of 15. She's worked hard and done everything herself until now. She's met someone a few months ago from Romania and he's extremely violent. There's no doors or gates left on her house and he's violent towards her. He goes and a few hours later he's back even though police and social services are involved. I don't get why she's taking him back because she's never ever taken any shit (mainly the reason she's been single for 12 years). He's extremely racist towards my sisters partner and her daughter who are African Angry and he tells them all the time he hates black people so my sister doesn't visit anymore even though she lives about 20 houses away Sad he said he's got a gun and knives that his friend is saving for him and he was a hit man back in Romania Confused this alone would've have made me run a mile. We don't know where he lives only his place of work and we can now no longer visit as he growls at us and makes very uncomfortable so my sister asks us to leave 😖 how the hell can we help her and my niece if she's not willing to do anything and then accepts him back when the police have gone Sad oops forgot to add she's also pregnant to him 😳😳 around 8 weeks ffs more I write the worse it sounds.

OP posts:
QuiteLikely5 · 06/08/2017 22:43

I cannot believe that SS would allow your sister to remain in this relationship with a child.

If this man has a gun you must report him ASAP.

You must call SS again and repeat what you have written here

centreyourself · 06/08/2017 22:46

Oh OP it really does sound bad. Horrendously bad.
How old is your DN - niece?
I feel scared for you and for them.
Where is Any Fucker?
Please ask for this to be moved to Relationships.
I will report it for you so that mumsnet mice it and you get more hell and advice.

Original poster
autumnrained · 06/08/2017 22:47

SS are allowing it because someone calls the police and my sister denies everything so then her daughter agrees with her in case she gets in trouble so the police leave Sad

How do I report the gun without knowing where he lives? I only know his workplace.

We could let our niece come to us but my sister would cut us all off when she needs us so it looks like ss is my only option?

OP posts:
Original poster
autumnrained · 06/08/2017 22:50

Thank you for replying.

It's a nightmare! We don't know where to turn.
She's a child of 7 so she's got loads of support but she can't see past the abuse and lies.
DN is 12 but very mature (like a 16 year old) so she'd know what to do in a bad situation but it's not the point she shouldn't be in it in the first place. We're worried he's going to turn on her next. 😰

OP posts:
centreyourself · 06/08/2017 22:54

So there are two children involved?

Oh no.

centreyourself · 06/08/2017 22:57

Bumping fir more traffic OP.

centreyourself · 06/08/2017 22:59

Please ask for your conversation to be moved to Relationships, where you will receive very intelligent, practical advice.
I'm so sorry for your sister, her children and you.

InflagranteDelicto · 06/08/2017 22:59

Your poor nieces. Are they aware you're willing to be a safe place for them? Are they able to contact you? AnyFucker once said to me that while I had a choice in the situation (whether to stay or go) my kids did not. That stuck with me in the bad times, and needs to give où now. She might well have to reach her rock bottom, but be there for her children. Report every time you have concerns, help SS build up a clear picture. Flowers

centreyourself · 06/08/2017 23:02

So is your sister in a same sex relationship? Why does this man come around if your sister has a partner?

Original poster
autumnrained · 06/08/2017 23:03

Sorry for the confusion..she has a 12 year old daughter from a previous relationship and is currently pregnant to this man (boy)

They definitely know there's support. I regularly talk to my niece through social media and she often stays at my older sisters with it being the 6 week holidays. My sister knows she has support but gets very defensive when we speak about the situation and insists everything is ok Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
autumnrained · 06/08/2017 23:06

Sorry racist towards my other sisters partner and daughter Blush

OP posts:
centreyourself · 06/08/2017 23:18

Sorry autumn it's probably taken a lot for you to post and I'm asking stupid questions Blush I've had a couple of 🍷 hence not reading properly.
Please ignore me, not much use to you but I do care. If you could, please cut & paste your post and open a thread in Relationships, where you will receive enormous support. Do it about 8ish tomorrow night, for most traffic.
I think you're very brave for taking the step of posting here.
The only thing I can suggest is your older sister making up excuses to hang on to your DN for longer. Pretend she is ill and has to stay, and so on. It sounds horrendous.
This post has taken me about 15 minutes. Have to go to 😴 now.

AnyFucker · 07/08/2017 00:08

Hey there. I am sorry to hear your sister is in such a dangerous situation. How terrifying for the rest of the family and for your neice.

You have had good advice so far. I think you should speak to the police and SS yourself and report the threats of weapons. A place of work is enough for the police to investigate further.

Where did she meet this violent thug ? If he has been in the uk for some time you might be able to dig up some dirt on him via Clare's Law (lots of info on this if you google)

Also, you can ring Women's Aid yourself for advice or the NCDV hotline.

Above all, continue to make sure she knows she can come to you no matter her previous denials. Don't let him push you away and stay close to your neice. You are doing what you can x

Notevilstepmother · 07/08/2017 07:52

Please let your nieces school know in September. Meanwhile you need to call Social Services and tell them about the threats and the gun and that your sister will lie to them because she is scared. Call the police again as well.

user1493413286 · 07/08/2017 08:01

I would contact the police about your sister and the gun and social services. It sounds incredibly dangerous and although no one can make your sister leave the relationship until she's ready having some professional support like a flag on her address so the police know to get there urgently if something is reported there may help.
Also make sure you're there for your sister; maintain as much contact as possible and let her know she can come to yours night or day. Sometimes people try to give ultimatums saying if you don't leave I won't speak to you etc but that never works and just makes the person more vulnerable as when they do want to leave they have less people to approach.
Also does your niece know how to call the police and have anyone within walking distance she can go to for help if needed? Even a familiar neighbour who could then call you?

MNHQ
LornaMumsnet · 07/08/2017 08:45

Hi all,

The OP has asked us to move this thread over to our relationships topic and so we're sending it over now.

Flowers
AnyFucker · 07/08/2017 16:38

How are your thoughts, op ?

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