Slowly sinking

[beec]

Hello everyone... here it goes...

Just over a month ago, I ended my almost 5 year relationship because he kept drinking stupid amounts every weekend and doing drugs till early hours of the morning. Every Sunday/Monday he would say that was it, his last blow out but come Friday, he would tell me he was meeting his brother in the same pub for a couple but it would always be the same ending of me waking up sat morning and he hadn't come home. I tried just ignoring it and not giving him grief, tried taking too him but he just wasn't getting it. Am I wrong in thinking when you are in a relationship where you live with each other, then you come home! I don't think he was up to anything, he was just taking it too far and not coming home after passing out wrecked!

I ended it and he was quite happy to leave!? And is making out he's having the time of his life and after 5 weeks, has met someone new. When I asked about her he spoke of her as if he'd been speaking too her a lot longer, I'd say a week after us splitting. We have broke up twice before now and he has met other girls and had a relationship but came crawling back every time because they wasn't me.

I just don't get how he can just get on perfectly fine!? And met someone so quickly again!? Was I nothing too him?

I have two children from a previous relationship, real dad wants nothing to do with them and I'm trying to track him down through child maintenance as he has just disappeared? But my ex wants to still be dad as he has raised them and they call him dad so I have allowed that.

But when ever he talks too me, he just has pure hatred in his face and can't even look at me! But we was at a family BBQ the other day and he walk past while I was texting and he tried pushing my phone out of my hand and then made a comment about me always being on it!? I'm just getting mixed signals!? He then made a dig about my makeup but yet when he first walked in, said a looked nice?

I just wish he showed at least he was gutted but he seems fine! How could he move on so quick and I'm crying most days and feel totally alone! I feel like I'm lost! I still love him and now regret ending it even though I know it was the right thing. I just keep remembering how much I was protected and I can't stand the thought of another girl getting that.

It's just over a month and I'm not making any progress?

Use it to fuel your anger and realisation that you were right to dump him pathetic arse.
You are still very very early days into the breakup. Everything is still so raw.
6 months down the line and he has a new girlfriend will probably still hurt too!
Keep strong and look on the bright side, he can now be her problem. Along with the staying out and excessive drinking.

I'm petrified he's going to be better for the next girl and then he's right... I'm the reason he kept going out drinking? I drove him to fall out of love with me.

I'm dreading seeing him with her. His family has told me he was horrible to his other exs but there's always that worry that he will change for the next girl

Typical behaviour, to "show you" what you're missing. Abusive and confirms you made the right decision.

It won't benefit your DC to spend unsupervised time with someone with drug and alcohol problems who treats their mother like this.

Your thinking is really mixed up: have you considered the Freedom Programme, or other help?

Yep. I'm so wonderful, I can get a new girl just like that. Bet you wish you still had me, eh? You're so ugly/fat/useless/stupid/(delete as appropriate), you'll never have anyone else, let alone as good as me.

No, no, no.

Erm.
He is a dick. He is being terrible to you.
Stop the kids contact. He is not a role model for them .

It's a front! He's hurting really. He's a dick and you're well rid!

He's never done drugs around the children but obviously has been hung over.

He tells me I need to get on with it and then when I do, makes out I'm a bad mum because I need to spend more time at home? I just can't seem to get it right in his eyes.

I work and obviously it's school holidays so children have gone to stay with my mum for a week so iv told him no need to call me as they won't be with me. He then calls because he suddenly needs his mates wedding invite (which I was inched too aswelll) there's no rsvp on it and it's not till next year but he suddenly needed it!? He knew I was upset about the kids going as I'm on my own all week now but he twists the knife by calling me just for that and now I'm upset because I know I won't be going but I'm sure the new girl will. There was no real need to have that invite today?

Just checked out freedom programme. Looks really good! I grew up with watching my fafa beat the crap out of my mum and she stayed with him, it's was so traumatic! And then I experienced it with an ex but got out! They say children from a domestic violence background are drawn to bad relationships. I probably sound like a Jeremy Kyle family but I'm not. Iv always worked and my children a very polite and successful kids with manners but I just seem to attract twats!

I'm going to go out of my way to stay single for a long time now. It's not fair on my children and I despise parents that jump in and out of relationships and don't introduce the kids properly, instead they just expect the kids to go along with it

Why is it I ended it, it's a month on and I feel like getting worse?

A month is very early days, and you're still in contact so dealing with his manipulative bullshit. Sooner you reduce contact / limit his access to the DC the better.

It's likely your most recent ex was abusive too, just in a lesser/less obvious way than your other ex.

I hope that a month is still early days and I'm not just dragging my heels? I do wonder if I need some extra help from a doctor? Because I'm just a shaking mess when ever on my own but don't want to be any company at the same time? Feel like I'm being a bit much for my friends going over and over the same crap