Just feel like giving up....help

[InWonderLand2]

Backstory:

Ex left me 9yrs ago for one of the women he cheated on me with, he then spent the next 6 years trying to get back with me but i refused. We have a 11 year old whose life he's been in and out of all these years. He's now had 2 children with the same woman, i try my best for DS to have a relationship but the mum (who knew about me during the affair) won't allow it so ex brings the eldest to his mums for DS to see, which has only been about 4 times (eldest is almost 2yrs).

Anyway i try to co-parent with ex, i try to be civil and considerate even dropping the amount of maintance CM stated to help him out this year and he hasn't paid last months and paid me less than we agreed between April - June. He's hardly seen DS too.

I had his mum shouting at me on Wednesday saying i don't want DS to have a relationship with their side of family, bear in mind for YEARS i took DS to her house and back while ex did nothing and cut her off too for this other woman and got in touch last year because i told him to speak to his mum. I've had his mum and siblings crying to me for years ex won't see or speak to them. Ex MIL has now accused me of stressing my ex out even though i don't speak to him, unless regarding our DS (i try not to speak to him and leave it between ex and DS but ex always contacts me). Apparently he is going through alot in life and unhappy etc (according to him & his mum) but that has nothing to do with me, he turned up at mine end of June claiming to love me soo much and full of regret, but i just made him leave. He's always asking DS questions about my non-existent love life yet i dont ask or care what he's up to.

I'm fed up of trying my hardest for him and DS to have a relationship, i go out of my way to help him out and yet he lies (as usual) to his mum and then i suffer verbal abuse from both of them. I'm really considering just ending the child maintance so i don't have to deal with him. He can see DS whenever he wants its between the two of them to sort out their arrangements. My ex and ex MIL are bullies, they constantly gas-light me and i can't deal with it anymore.

I almost considered suicide today (DS is with my mum for the weekend) as i just think its best if im around for them to hurt me. I didn't do anything to deserve all this, i REALLY try with ex and his family yet I get nothing but abuse. I've been crying on and off the last few days as they are causing me great stress and it feels like it won't end.

Would it make sense to cancel Child maintance? I know DS is entitled to it and it will be a bit tight for us but we can live off my wage. I just think sometimes its best to just walk in order to keep my sanity and ex no longer has any "control" over me. Please help i don't know what to do.

Whoa! That is a lot of emotional abuse and controlling behaviour from your Ex and MiL. No wonder you are stressed out.

First thing to deal with is your suicidal thoughts. This is a big red flag that you aren't yourself and you need some help. Go speak to your GP and accept the anti-anxiety/depressants you are offered. Use them as a temporary crutch to help you through all of this.

Next, in your shoes I would send a text to Ex and MiL informing them that they are no longer to contact you in any manner. Any requests for access to DS should be done via text through a 3rd party of your choosing. You are blocking them both and do not want to see or hear from them at all - ever. Then you block them on your phone.

You go back to CSA and arrange for the payments to be done via them. There is no need for you to speak to your Ex regarding the money. Let him explain to CSA why he can't pay. Not your circus, not your monkeys!

You can't move on with your life if you continue to allow Ex and his crap to stick to you. Shrug him off. Move on. If he wants to see DS at 2pm on a Saturday then he can text that request to someone like your Mum who can pass the request on for a Yes or No and pick him up from the door NOT inside your home.

Or if that is too extreme for you, block his family and let him deal with them. They aren't your family. They don't need to speak to you.

You are a great Mum for trying to damn hard to encourage a relationship between DS and Ex but you don't have to crucify yourself to do it. Take care of you first.

The best thing is to block you ex MIL. Do not speak to her if she calls, just hang up and block any number she calls from.

If it's an unknown number don't answer it.

If it continues, seek legal advice.

Don't allow him or his mum to bully you.

I suggest counselling to help you build strength and get through this. There are numerous low cost counselling services.

DO NOT LET THEM DRIVE YOU OVER THE EDGE *

Thanks guys for your support and kind words, I've booked a GP appointment online and managed to get one tomorrow morning. Yes exactly its emotional abuse, i did tell him that once and he just brushed it off.

I've lost all my confidence and self esteem. I've tried counselling twice with no joy and GP prescribed antidepressants last year but i stopped taking them after 2 weeks as i hate how numb they made me feel. I've been terrified all these years to be in a relationship or date after all ex done to me. The two years we had zero contact (when i contacted child maintance as he had never given me a penny for DS) i was the happiest. If i could run away overseas i would, i feel I'll never be happy until i escape him.

Also that day he came in June, after i made him leave he came back saying he left something. He then stated again his "love" for me, tried to hug me and when i walked away he followed me, hugged me, pushed me down, kissed me and then forced himself on me. I told him no, and did try to push him off but he continued so i stopped resisting. I hadn't had sex in almost 6 years (last time was him im ashamed to say). After he finsihed i was so numb and just sat up, trying not to cry. He then said sorry for everything he's ever done to me and he never meant any of it because he loves me and losing me was the worst thing ever but he's made his bed and has to lie in it. I asked him to leave and he said if i feel he raped me then i should call the police. I just asked him to leave again and he did, saying sorry again. I just sat there for 2 hours before i moved. This is the first time I've ever told anyone about it. Haven't seen him since, but he has called to say his "life is a mess" and why he didn't make the child maintenance payment. I think its a control thing with him.

he turned up at mine end of June claiming to love me soo much and full of regret, but i just made him leave.

This is his problem. He messed up and he regrets it. Now he wants to force his way back in your life and because you refuse, he tells his mum.

He's having a pity party.

He raped you and you should have reported it. Wasn't your son home at the time?

I would request that he has no direct contact with you whatsoever following the rape.
You need to seek legal advice about it and have third party intervention.

He's more than abusive.

You should still report it. What a horrible man.

Hi our son was at my mums that night as his cousin was also sleeping over.

This may sound silly but I didn't want to send my sons dad to prison as he is still his dad and son adores him.

Sandy it really feels like he is punishing me for not taking him back. When he's here with us or just out with son he's always bringing up our past together but he should have thought about that before cheating and leaving me. Not taking him back has been one area I've always stood my ground with him as when the one you love (well loved back then) hurts you so much you eventually get fed up and let go.

I haven't spoken to him since Monday and I made a decision not to speak to him again. He's actually forced himself on me twice before, once when we were together and when we were broken up. I'm completely finished with him, just unsure if I should cancel the child maintenance. His mum wants DS next week and I will let him go as its important for him to spend time with his family and hopefully will see ex too

The maintenance is for your son and he should go on paying it. It does not entitle him to rape you.