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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

AIBU to wish he'd just shift his @#*@?? Resentment building

7 replies

GoGoDolores · 06/08/2017 19:05

Would this do your head in or am I being unreasonable...?

DP is self employed and about half the time works from home. I work from home full time.

His office is the settee. He does literally everything on his phone or tablet, invoicing, emailing, marketing. His paperwork is a little pile of notepads/folders, which generally get hidden behind the side of the settee, as do his crisp packets, empty drinks bottles and anything he takes out of his Mary Poppins pockets.

Now we've spoken about him not using our living room as a dump and he now has a little discreet waste paper bin down the side of the settee too. I feel like I cant get too huffy about him being messy because I am also a complete scruff. The difference is, I generally go back to sort my disaster areas out. Also, my little pile of empty packets and coffee cups are on my desk hidden in my office where nobody else goes. Id never ask anybody to sit in that.

Theres plenty of room for him to share the office or create one in another part of the house but he doesnt want to. He likes to work with his feet up on the sofa. It used to be with boots on but we had a conversation about that.

Im not sure why but I am starting to feel a great deal of resentment about this settee HQ he's got going on. I genuinely don't know if im being unreasonable.

I find it quite hard to keep on top of my business, the housework and care of my DD (6) and ive started to want to put a bomb under the sofa when i walk past and hes lounging around on his phone.

To be fair he IS working, so whats my problem? It didnt used to be an issue.

Hes generally wonderful, really proactive with DD and does do a great deal. The thing is, we both pretty much work constantly. I either am spending time with DD or working. Time has to be specifically made for housework and its usually me who looks up and says 'right, we need to clean our mess up'.

I rarely get an hour on the sofa, there is always a job to do so it pisses me off he's there constantly.

He comes in, he sits in his spot and he literally doesnt move, until bedtime. Sometimes even if i go to sit on the sofa, i have to ask him to move his legs. DD often sits on his legs to watch Paw Patrol. But he's working. So im just being unreasonable???

OP posts:
timeforabrewnow · 06/08/2017 19:11

YANBU

Slob is another word for that.

I like your description of sofa HQ. Grin

I think how annoying it is would be in direct proportion to how much income he's generating also. If his business is very profitable, perhaps he could buy you your own personal sofa?

GreenTulips · 06/08/2017 19:15

He's taking up a family space - a relaxing area -

There jobroom for guests or a 10 min break - you can't pop in and watch the news - you cant clear round as he's just there!

I feel your pain!!

I also say to the kids to move your shoes etc and they say 'yours are there!' Yes but it's me that picks mine up!!!

WingsofNylon · 06/08/2017 19:37

If there is room for him to have an office elsewhere point out to go. That this office needn't be a desk. He can get another sofa so that the living space isn't where he is parked. To see his side, one of the main parks of working from home is getting to pick your environment. He likes to work from the sofa. That is fine but it shouldn't be at the detriment to others in the house.

GoGoDolores · 06/08/2017 19:37

The earning is a funny one really. His business is new no, it doesnt bring a lot in. I supported us financially for the best part year. It was a struggle. However, its starting to come good now and he is bringing money in. Besically whatever profit he gets, he puts it towards the household and it's equal now. I don't hold that against him, we've decided to start ttc and when im off work with a newborn, he'll support me then.

I think some of the resentment does stem from us ttc. He IS a bit of a slob TBH, a cery lovely slob but i think its starting to get in the way of life. i just want him to look after himself and his sticky sofa bum is part of that. He does NO exercise at all. Eats very badly, gets headaches and is indignant when i suggest he drink water instead of fizzy drinks. Hes gained weight over the last couple of years, havent we all, thats not what bothers me, i still fancy the pants off him. But we're not getting pregnant and he doesnt see he needs to change things if his sperm arent foing to be couch potatoes too!

This isnt a moa n about our relationship in general. We have a lpvely one, and a nice life and do nice things and love each others company. Its a very lovely relationship.

I just feel mean raising any of the above, it would definitely crush him

OP posts:
GoGoDolores · 06/08/2017 19:39

Thats a good idea wings

OP posts:
category12 · 06/08/2017 19:53

What Wings said. Get another sofa in another room and either that becomes the living room, or it becomes his workspace. It's not on for him to dominate a supposedly shared space.

Onthemove2 · 06/08/2017 19:58

When is he being a wonderful parent when he is literally sitting on the sofa till bedtime? Is your dd his child?

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