Have you ever been with a narcissist?

[relevante]

I've got a suspicion my former partner was a narcissist, but I don't want to assign labels carelessly and wonder what everyone else's experience has been? Have you come across any/many and what were the key things that got you thinking he/she was a narc? If this has been discussed elsewhere on the forum I apologise...

I think my ex was a narc, even though he didn't display the typical grandiose behaviours. He was chasing after me in the beginning, and but was rapidly losing interest as I got more invested. He found it nearly impossible to take criticism or discuss any issues, or he would offer assurances that turned out to be lies in practice. He manipulated people in general ( he'd occasionally tell me how he had found a "clever" way of getting something out of someone without ever being open about it) he'd also lie about trivial things a lot. He had an important job within the media circles and was addicted to the constant praise and admiration, and it had to be in high supply at all times. I.e. he got pissed off when upon leaving employer A he "only" got him a £100+ worth gift. Overall he was highly judgemental, strived to always be in control and critical. I always felt like he wasn't showing his true colours but occasionally the mask slipped and he'd come up with things such as " I know I'm really charming" or "why would a man stay with a woman/wife who's gotten sick" etc.

But then literally everyone else (though I never spoke with any of his exes) thought he was a lovely, smiley, super professional guy and if they could fault him at all it'd be his inability to be even a little bit confrontational Also, strangely enough with his professional life being so flourishing (and being in a very people focused profession) in his private life he had only one friend he'd see somewhat regularly.

Does this sound like a narc to you at all? Anyone with similar experiences?

No one? :(

Why does it matter, you're not with him any more, move on, forget about him.

From your description, that sounds like a stereotypical narcissist, yes.

I was with a narc. They are in fact quite rare apparently only about 5-7 % of population are but then there are people who display the tendency.

Point is it doesn't matter. You are away from him (well done) and if he is he won't recognise it. They rarely do. I came across a couple of them online who know they are and blog or wrote books. They are very rare.

Mine admitted to "social fabrication" and went to a therapist. I was seeing the same therapist for my own sanity.

She told me to take my daughter and run. Don't look back.

So you had a lucky escape. If you are still suffering from the after math definitely go have some therapy. It helped.

And no, he hasn't changed but I am no contact and hear through his sister.