In laws make me feel crap

[MrsCK]

My in laws are the hardest people for me to get along with. Among lots of other things..this week they have done the following.

Refused to visit my dh in hospital at the same time as me every day this week as it's "too much" for him.

Shouting at my DS as soon as they arrived at my parents house because DS was having a tantrum.

DS again having a paddy and I had gone and comforted him...fil appears again telling DS off

In laws were invited over for this morning to have a coffee. I explained we were eating at 3pm today so if they popped over in the morning if they wanted to see my DS. They appeared at 2pm and are still here...
We don't have enough food for them.

I want to ask them to leave but they hardly ever see my DS. I'm knackered from running around after everybody and not having time for me. We are currently "on holiday" at my parents house about 200 miles from where we live. In laws live in the same town as my parents. Dh in hospital all week so not really a holiday at all.

Where's the gin?

Wanky editing sorry. I did put paragraphs in...promise

They've gone. Took laying the table to give the hint we were ready to eat. I felt so rude but what could I have done when they knew they weren't invited for food and they've also made their own arrangements for dinner so it's not like they were hanging around hoping to be fed...

Still. I hate feeling like I've shut them out and not invited them for food. And I shouldn't feel like that! They have this in built ability to make me feel like I'm never good enough.

Ugh

You should have invited them for food. No doubt they are discussing your bad manners. They shouldn't be shoutng at your ds but I think it was thoughtful of them to give you time on your own with your dp in the hospital.

Bit puzzled why you were comforting ds while he had a paddy?

mrsharrison Did you read the bit where the OP said she's away from home and didn't have enough food?

Mrscropley Maybe her son was upset because his dad was in hospital and he was out of his routine at home?

Paddy =tantrum where I live. .

comforting for tantrums is normal to me

Why do you feel not good enough MrsCK? Because of you or because of them?

Nothing wrong with not going tp hospital same time as you. Most people would like that. Im sure you are all stressed due to dhs illness. Try and let any difficulties with them go over your head.

Imperial yes I did. What I meant was op should have made the initial invite as telling them they could come for coffee ANDY dinner at 3pm as well. I think saying to someone "come for coffee in the morning cos we're having dinner at three" is a bit rude.

I don't think the OP should have invited them for food, she had already said there wasn't enough for them. How rude to arrange a time and then just show up whenever you feel like it.

The only way around this is to start being firm and tough with them. If you don't agree/like them shouting at your kids just ask them to stop and say your dealing with DC. It's not their place at all do do the disciplining if your around.

The OP is at someone else's house, how could she invite them for dinner?
I also comfort for tantrums, they happen very rarely and when they do are because DD2 is upset about something.

It sounds like a fraught situation OP. Just try and concentrate on DH and DS and be polite to the IL's.

It is horrible when people put you in the position of having to be rude to them to shake them out. Not that I think you were rude really. You had already told them to come before you were going to sit down to eat and they obviously knew they weren't invited for the meal.

She is away from home in the town where her ILs live, she is still looking after DC. Her DH is in hospital and she should be catering for them in her parents house?

Or her ILs could have offered to have them over for dinner?

Op is at her parents house so why should she feel awkward inviting her in laws to stay for lunch? Dinner in the evening might be pushing it however. I was raised to feed visitors - it's just good manners. However I agree the in laws were rude turning up at two.

Perhaps in hindsight I should've just said we were busy in the afternoon and not mentioned food. My mum was cooking and normally we would absolutely host them. It was a last minute thing and didn't have enough food...they also have never invited my parents over to them in the 13 years dh and I have been together. Their house is quite small/cluttered.

I refuse to let my DS paddy and get upset on his own. He's got pretty big feelings at the moment due to everything being up in the air and I can't think of anything harder than dealing with those on your own as a 2 year old.

Yes I'm feeling fraught and I should probably just ignore everything but I'm finding that tricky right now.

OP, why on earth are you trying to justify your behaviour? Their son is in hospital, why are they not trying to help as much as they can?

It doesn't sound like they are supporting you or thinking about how their actions affect you. I would return that treatment while retaining a polite smile.
Don't let it bother you.

OP - don't defend comforting your son when he's upset. The number of people who think leaving children to become hysterical without help is baffling to me.

I would very firmly tell PIL that they have no business to tell your child off whilst they are in YOUR care and you are dealing with the situation.

Thank you moany xx