I'm leaving my job because I'm in love with a married man.

[JulietNeverMetRomeo]

I've been in my current job nearly a year now and it's the first job I've had that I quite enjoy and I'm good at. I'm working on a project and work very closely with a guy in my office, we get on really well and he's been really supportive. Unfortunately he's married and I'm totally falling for him, he's confided in me that he's having issues at home. It's awful but I can't stop thinking about him and on Friday night we were texting for two hours. Things are ramping up and I can see what could happen, I try to focus on his wife and child but it's difficult because we have so much chemistry. I've also recently had issues with my boss and I applied for a new job which I have been offered. He's really upset that I'm leaving but I think it's best for both of us. He doesn't know I'm leaving in part because of how I feel about him.

Obviously I can't talk about this in real life and it's breaking my heart that I've fallen for someone who is unavailable. I'm not an evil person and don't want to be responsible for breaking a family up. Can anyone offer advice on getting over this? Before this happened I would have been really judgemental and now I'm in it and I feel wretched. Please don't flame me for this.

I'm not going to have a leaving do which will limit any further opportunities to see each other.

You are not in the wrong. Doing the sensible thing by moving apart before it gets out of hand.

@chips4teaplease I'd love to have dinner with you. In a totally non-creepy way!! You sound so interesting.
Aww, thanks! I'm as dull as can be really. It's how I write it up...

To be fair to you Juliet you sound lovely. Anyone can have a flirt that goes a little too far; it's how you step back from it and recover that counts. You haven't damaged his marriage; if damage is being done that's absolutely on him and his conscience. You're doing what you need to do to remove yourself from the situation; credit to you for not being that person and god luck with the new job.

we have so much chemistry

He had chemistry with his first wife too. And his second. And now you.....do you see a pattern emerging here?

He doesn't know I'm leaving in part because of how I feel about him.

I'm sure he has more than an inkling. If I understand your post correctly, he's done this before. You're taking all the blame here, but it takes two before feelings and 'chemistry' get engendered. You have been naive, he hasn't, and telling you about marital problems is part of the process of subtle wooing he's been doing. That along with texting you for 2 hours.

You sound sweet and incredibly trusting. But he has been wooing (I prefer 'romantically grooming') you probably since day one.

Imagine a life with him. I wouldn't give him halfway to 45 before he'd be off subtly wooing some other nice, caring, trusting woman and blaming it on how much problems you both have and a mid life crisis.

You've done the absolutely the best thing and I applaud you. Its hard but worth the good conscience and the better outcome.

The messages didn't include anything explicit, no photos, no talk of meeting up or having sex. We talked about the issues I'm having at work, he talked about missing me when I leave, how he can talk to me so easily, he made a few jokes about him being sexier than me. Thinking about it more he's texting via his work phone which would be easy to hide from his wife. Just writing that gives me chills, it's quite calculating that he can cover his tracks. Honestly I'm not normally a naive person but maybe I would have just been his next conquest.

It's ironic because I'm very cynical about relationships and I'm not the romantic type, I'm usually very practical and not that trusting. This one slipped through my defences.

I think you're making the best choice here, and congratulations on the promotion. It will be much easier when you don't see each other daily.

How long is your notice period? It might be useful to have a plan to keep yourself busy and distracted during this time - delete his number, go out in the evenings, see friends at the weekend. Maybe try something like MeetUp? Not for dating but to meet people with common interests (I go to a book group and theatre group). It's nerve wracking at first but a huge confidence boost when you've been along to an event, met new people and even had a good time!

Notice period could be up to a couple of months.

Unfortunately where I live there aren't any meet up groups, I relocated for this job and it's been tough meeting people. Tonight was meant to be my first night out in months with a few friends ive met but I'm recovering from a bug. I'll focus on sorting that out over the next few weeks.

Sorry to hear about the bug on top of everything else. I hope you feel better soon.

MeetUp works best in cities/large towns - in my last post I didn't consider that this might not be a viable option for you. I'm sorry for the assumption.

I had an ex that I worked with years ago and when we broke up (like you I found another job but it took a while, plus notice etc) my friend gave me some good advice. She told me to break up that difficult period into little packets of time - a day at first, then a few, then a week - and just focus on getting through the first one. Make plans, even if it's just to swim after work, go for a walk, make a nice dinner etc. A day isn't as overwhelming a prospect as two months. Be kind to yourself.

You sound like doing the right thing. as someone pointed out he has already cheated on two women - don't be the third

He's playing a character. His second wife fell for hos pathetic story and now he's looking for his 3rd wife/emotional affair.

Well done you and your parents for instillinf in your to have good self esteem and self worth and to insictively protect yourself from this ass and the damage he inflicts.

Brave of you to recognise your situation and have the strength to walk away and not get sucked in by his shite.

You're worth better than him, OP

Gah- my post is just gobblegook. Sorry, update on phone has wreaked havoco

Remember what Oscar Wilde said "A man who marries his mistress creates a vacancy"

It wasn't Oscar Wilde! It was Sir James Goldsmith. And it's asinine rubbish that doesn't mean anything in MOST cases, there are countless people in happy second marriages with OW/M who never cheat again.

Sounds like it just may have some truth in it with this fella though!