Mother, long lost family, all very sad

[Goingtobeawesome]

I watch Long Lost Family every series and it always makes me cry. What I don't get is why it makes me sad that no one will ever look for me like the people in the show, when my parents are a waste of space. Just like to talk I think. Feel less alone hopefully. .

Yeah but they don't show the people going 'WTF? I thought I was shot of him/her!'

All my family know where to find me, but they know better than to come and look.

Have you got other family you could get in touch with?

I only remember one end of show comment where one half of the family didn't want to continue contact.

Only family contact is a Christmas card and birthday card from my uncle.

I have parents, half siblings. None give a shit. Sometimes it gets to me.

There was a follow up show once. Not surprisingly several of the pair didn't resmain in contact with each other a year or two after their oh so emotional reunions and initial declarations of family love.

I feel your pain OP.

I've always avoided shows like that like the plague for, I think, similar reasons to yours.

PPs are right though, they'll only show the bits that fit with the narrative of the programme; it doesn't necessarily mean that any of them went on to form lasting family ties.

I feel youre sadness. Iv recently been cut out of my family and the hurt is unimaginable :-(

There are always two sides.

I found my birth father after years of searching. I'd fantasied about it for all of my adult life.

He was nothing like me. We had nothing in common other than genes. We were poles apart. We never met again and I am very thankful for that. I wish I'd never bothered in the first place. He was literally just a gene donor. Pointless.

Blood isn't thicker than water. Love comes from connection and commitment, through friends, extended family and those you choose to make the circle of your life.

It's the most painful thing I've ever endured. I lost my mum almost 3 years ago. She was an alcoholic so it was a loss in stages, she gradually retreated and immersed herself in drink so much that she disengaged from everyone. Saying that though, she'd always been a very distant mother but I did love her. When she died it felt like I'd lost her all over again.
My father whom I'd previously been close to got together with a woman who he'd been seeing being the scenes within weeks of my mothers death. Because I didn't immediately come to terms with it and accept this woman with open arms he just cut me out of his life. The sense of loss has cut me to the core and although I'm married with children it's still had a huge affect on my life. Sorry to anyone else that's had to endure this. When it's rejection from your parents it's something you never get over IMO

All very sad stories though completely different .

My mother lied to get pregnant. Dad didn't stay with her. Went to get an abortion. Then put me up for adoption. Changed her mind at last minute. Abandoned me on a door step, in social services office. Demanded me back. Gave me away. Dictated where I was to live. If happy, ruined it. If unhappy, stayed quiet. Repeat a dozen times. Yet she says he did everything for me.

The last few years have been incredibly difficult. I'm finding that I think more and more that this world and me don't go together. What did I ever do that was so bad to have all this shit? Abused in every way by multiple people supposed to care. Just had enough. I get the message.

Oh going non of that is your fault.
You are not to blame for any of it and it does not reflect on you as a person ! They were in the wrong esp your mother who failed you in every conceivable way ! You sound a lovely ,thoughtful person who has been dealt a horrible hand that was beyond your control and i think you need help to come to terms with the anger and confusion you feel
Have you read the stately homes threads on here as a start point and what about counselling ?
Please dont turn this on yourself and let it destroy the rest of your life! You are not to blame and i am sorry she didnt put you up for adoption where you could have been loved and nutured by a family who adored you which is what you deserved.
Sending a huge hug of support xxx

**Goingtobeawesome as your name says, Im sure you are awesome, you sound lovely, you are most definately meant for this world, what a terribly sad start in life you had have you had any help dealing with this,? Some counselling may help you put this awful abuse in its place and help you move on from it. Perhaps help others in similar situations.

My name came about because I was going to court to give evidence against one of the abusers and it was how I thought I'd feel if it went the right way.

I have had counselling after a PND diagnosis but it wasn't helpful. I've recently had EMDR which was very successful but has now finished. Just this week I was assessed to see what support I need now. I'm just feeling so worn down. Struggling with dc3 behaviour and my lack of knowing what to do and my feelings towards them. It's years of crap and then a huge bombshell last year and I just can't embarrass myself anymore by not getting the message.

I tried to post on the SH threads but everyone knew each other's history and I couldn't keep up.

Thank you for talking to me. Makes me tearful that it seems strangers care more than those meant too.

Oh goingtobeawesome have some very unmumsnetty hugs from me. It's so bloody tough realising people don't care when they should. I've just had that recently. Besides my daughter, family wise, I feel utterly alone. I've asked my best friend to be named next of kin as I don't want my mum or brother to do it.

You are not embarrassing yourself, you have so much to give.

GoingToBeAwesome, your place is being a better Mum than your Mum was.

You had a dreadful start in your life, and were let down. Things that happened, then and more recently, are not due to YOU and your value, they are a reflection on the people who behave like that.

I am glad you have had some help. It must be an anxious time in transition waiting to hear what the assessment says about ongoing support. Can you tell your GP how you are feeling during this period?

I am so sorry you have been so badly treated. It isn't fair.

Why does my mother think she's doing everything for me? Whatbhas she done? It genuinely baffles me and stressses me out that I can't come up with anything she has done for me, other than give me a nice first name.

Given that so many people have treated me badly and let me down I can't help but think it is because I'm not good enough.

I will hear this week what support I'll be offered, if any, so not too long to wait so I won't see the GP this week.

I've been out to walk my dog. She's my best thing.

Going, please know there are good people around, I always believed that not allowing abuse to define me was a good step. Abusers target those who are vulnerable.
The world can be beautiful, please use any tool you have to reach out and find good people. You are worth loving and I am sure have some fabulous strengths and talents. Warm thoughts coming your way 😀

Thank you everyone.