Trust

[Theordinaryman]

The work I do has sent me away for several months and am not back home until November I am also a man so this may not be what you are used to.the paranoia has started to enter my life.a few months ago I looked at the box of condoms in our bedside table.this was something we used for contraception a few years ago when my wife was not on the pill and I found one was missing I was shocked and pointed this out to my wife who denied anything and said it may have been our teenage daughter.then my wife asked our daughter about it who denied knowing anything about it.this meant there was nothing I could do as both said it wasn't them and so there was no clear answer.this issue got dropped but I asked my wife about a several weeks later if she would tell me if she was ever unfaithful and she said no but that she wouldn't do it anyway.the answer she gave I thought was a little strange and I asked her about it and she said she probably didn't mean to give that answer but still said she would not be unfaithful.are you able to give me some help because this is really all I can think about and I will find it hard to bring the subject up again as she may get very annoyed and I do not want to ruin our relationship.rob

... how did you know one was missing if you haven't used them for several years?! Did you regularly stock check them?!

The packet was found by me in the drawer a week or two earlier and I looked inside and did count them maybe I was a bit paranoid but since then my mind has run round all over the place and I am just at a loss

Other than that... do you have any other reason to suspect her?

If you were female you'd be advised to consider:
Is she overly protective of her phone, emails etc?
Is she away from home for longer periods than normal?
Is she withdrawn/ing from you?

In reality it's probably nothing - your daughter might have taken one to see what's what, and been embarrassed to say. Let it go or you'll drive yourself nuts.

Is there anything else occurring in the relationship that would cause you to worry?

Because if this is literally the only thing that is worrying you, then you sound v v paranoid and unreasonable. It's fairly obvious that dd took one, or you miscounted, or something else innocent. The fact that you thought of counting them at all screams paranoia tbh.

I asked my wife about a several weeks later if she would tell me if she was ever unfaithful and she said no

You say you felt her answer was a bit strange. To me, it seems you might have asked an odd question that she wasn't expecting and hadn't thought about. The 'no' might have been to the question she perceived, vis-a-vis, would you ever be unfaithful, which she then clarified afterwards.

Alternatively, I recall reading an article years ago, that suggested if you had cheated once and had realised afterwards that you had made a terrible mistake, that you shouldn't tell your partner if all you wanted to do was get the guilt off your own back. Better, it suggested, that you live with the pain of your guilt than that you put your partner through the pain of knowing, assuming you want to continue in your relationship. I can see sense in that somewhere. So if you asked me that question, I might well reply no, however it could only ever be theoretical, because I am as sure as I can be that I would never cheat.

But... really, was it a full unopened box that had never been opened? Otherwise, were you monitoring the contents? Because there are long disused condoms in my bedside cabinet. Pretty sure neither me, nor DH would have any idea how many are left. Have you left them there as a test? Is the fact that your wife might get annoyed because you have form for thinking the worst? Or is this the first time it's crossed your mind?