Hi there,
I don't usually post online but currently feel at my wits end and would really appreciate some objective thoughts on my situation. Apologies for the long text to follow.
I have been with my SO for 7 years. A few years into the relationship things became very tough. My SO was going through a difficult time emotionally and projected this onto the relationship. This stemmed from feelings he had not dealt with from the past and a lack of self insight. He became emotionally and financially abusive and it culminated in me losing my life savings, my career and my self worth. I was willingly supporting him financially at this time but it went above and beyond... I became so disillusioned that I stupidly funded large material objects and I much later found out a substance habit before things came to a head when I finally said no and got thrown out of the property in which we lived. For a time I had nothing and was homeless. I had always been very responsible and emotionally aware in my approach to life, finances and relationships so the events and their ramifications had a big impact on how I felt about myself. I blamed myself and harboured a lot of guilt. This said for the past 4 years I have worked to rebuild my life, started a business which is doing ok and tried to like myself again etc. Whilst we had a period of one years separation. (I had no intention of us getting back together) we ended up re establishing the relationship around 3 years ago. My SO pushed for this and has worked hard on understanding himself and his behaviours since the tough time. Since getting back together he has been very supportive and the relationship has been quite healthy in regards to communication and day to day events. I found it very difficult to trust him initially however this has been getting better. I still have a lot to deal with financially from the past events and whilst my work is now going well I do not have a lot of disposable income. I work very hard and hours can be long as do many people even when in a relationship and this sometimes causes disagreements. We are living in a house he owns because I am unable to get a mortgage due to my now terrible credit score. This has been very embarrassing but it is what it is. Recently my SO has voiced that he doesn't feel like we are a proper partnership and thinks I should be putting more money into the relationship to enable us to do more things together. I have made sure that I have contributed half to things we have done in the past few years and pay a monthly contribution to the bills, house etc. Knowing he is thinking this way has really troubled me, given past events and I feel as though he has no comprehension of how hard things have been and why it is that my life revolves around work and debt. Even though we have been through this many times. I can see from his point of view that he wants us to begin really moving forward but I am still living with consequences of past events which realistically is going to be the case for years to come. He is currently very focussed on his needs and these being met and feels that he has been more than understanding for the past three years and now really wants things to change. He now has a small business that is doing well (this is something we had worked on together before the period of separation) and is fortunate not to have to worry about money. He has amassed savings with which he can feel secure. I find myself questioning myself. Should I be doing more or are his thought processes shallow and a cause for alarm bells?