How do I get a divorce?

[Moonraker37]

Hello, please can anyone advise me where to start. My husband isn't abbusive and we have been married for six years so there is no urgency.
I'm a SAHM to two young twins, pre schoolers. I have no savings and we share a joint account. I always read advice about lining up ducks in a row but other than first finding a solicitor I don't know where to start. How much it would cost etc. I have very very limited funds but we joint own our house. There is two years left on the mortgage.

I'm also so so worried about the effect on the girls who adore their father. He's a great dad. Also if we would stay in our house then sell once children reach a certain age? At the moment I know my husband couldn't afford to rent elsewhere so we may end up living under the same roof.

We don't fight in front of the children or very rarely even when alone but we have separate bedrooms, eat our meals apart and spend weekends apart, he takes the children out on a sat and me on the sun. We haven't had sex for four years and neither of us want to! Most things he does seem to irritate me, poor man.
It would be so easy to carry on like this as I have an easy life but emotionally I feel a fake. I think I always knew we weren't right for each other.

Anyway, I digress. Please can anyone offer any words of wisdom regarding a similar situation they have been in.
Thank you so much.

Once you've mortgage is paid off in two years and you own the house outright, that might be a good time to sell. That also gives you two years to find a job (you may need to train/retrain)

You could seek an order to start for longer, but that just ties you together for that period, and of course may well not be granted anyhow if it leaves him unable to secure a home big enough for him and the DC.

You do need to scrape together the money somehow to see a solicitor and get proper advice on your options in your specific circumstances.

Thank you, you're right. Good advice re finding a job as I'm in the process of retraining. Appreciate you commenting Med.

Hi OP.

I am in a very similar situation. I have only just started divorce proceedings but I am also a SAHM. There are very little jobs out there which is very worrying.

Unfortunately we have many years left on the mortgage so we will sell the house then split, how that will be split I don't know yet but I'm hoping to get most of the equity as we bought the house together and he will be able to by another place after as he's on a good salary. I think it's different if one of you previous owened it though?

Get some legal advice first. Many solicitors offer a 30min free consultation. Take as much info as you can, wage slips, pension details, bills etc. See all of them that offer a free consultation and you will get a feel which one you want to go with.

Good luck.

Have a look at Wikivorce - govt funded and full of advice.

Wikivorce is great - but you need to think about equity and income. Startpoint is a 50:50 split of all equity (and as a married couple everything is jointly owned so this includes pension pots, house equity, value of cars, the lot). With future income, neither grownup has a claim on the other. Children have a right to maintenance so where one parent looks after them more than the other, that parent will get maintenance to fund the cost of looking after the children from the other parent.

That's the start point for mediation (which is basically negotiation). You have to negotiate with the person you are divorcing. This can be tough.

So the most important consideration is - with the equity you will have and the child maintenance you will get if you are primary carer for the children, what income will you need to provide a stable lifestyle for your children and yourself, and where will you get that from? If it's not enough can you negotiate a different deal that protects the children better?

Thanks everyone, really thankful of any input. Just feels sad. But necessary. Two year plan in process I think!