What would you do

[TeamUmizoomi2017]

If you found out your mum had taken your child to see someone you had made very clear that you wanted them no where you or children?
Which is what I have found out only because someone else has told me.
This person who I don't want near me or my children has previously threatened me, the last straw was her kicking off at a relatives wedding, she went to attack my husband in front of my kids and hers, she was being escorted out of the room and turned around and told me that she was "going to fucking have me".
So I find out my mum has took my daughter to see her, am I really wrong in feeling like my mum has taken the complete and utter piss out of me with regards to my feelings.

I would not let my mum have my child again. She would get a very stern talking to as well. Pretty simple, rely. I'd be nary that she had put my child in the company of someone who sounds very aggressive.

I've tried speaking with her, all I get is you can't dictate to me who I see, and that she's with my brother. But this is my bloody child and she knows I do not want my children around her, why would I want my children seeing someone who has pretty much said that I'm going to fucking get it, in their drunken rage, my mum is far too forgiving.

My mum does not like confrontation at all, she will hang up on you rather than listen to what you say.

Then she doesnt get to see your child unsupervised again. Its that simple.

She wont like it but tought tits.

She is right that you cannot dictate who she sees but you can dictate who your child sees.

"I've tried speaking with her, all I get is you can't dictate to me who I see"?? Oh for fuck's sake! The nerve!!

Sure, you cannot dictate who she sees, and I'm sure you don't want to, but you absolutely CAN dictate to her who YOUR CHILDREN see! Herself included!

If she wants to act like a child about it with this "you're not the boss of me" bollocks, then you absolutely must not allow her to take your children anywhere on her own. Brazenly going against your rules and putting your children in uncomfortable situations at best and in danger at worst is completely out of order.

This woman she saw sounds dangerous and a terrible influence over your poor children. I imagine they would be terrified to have to be around a person they witnessed threatening their mother! Tell her that if you cannot trust her to keep your children's safety in mind, then you cannot trust her with your children at all!

No, that is definitely not on. Not at all.

I'd be livid.

I take it this aggressive someone is your brother's wife? Or another sister? Either way your DM has shown she can't be trusted. I would never let her look after my DC unsupervised again.

Yes my brothers girlfriend who over the years has said and done some very unforgivable things to me and my family, she is on a best behaviour faze at the moment and has certainly pulled the wool over my mothers eyes again at the moment, but not mine or my Dad's, she seems to think that because she's apologised all should be forgiven.

Mum knew I wouldn't be happy about it that's why she didn't tell me, there was her telling me to relax as I've not been well,knowing full well she was taking her to the one person I do not want her to see, my own mum who after my kids I do the most for

You cannot change anyone unless they choose to change.

If you want your child to be kept away from someone - you supervise your child yourself.

Crazy kitten I have been, and my mum knows I don't want my kids near her, this was just the 2nd time my mum has had dd2 over night and could well be the last if she decides to pull this shit again.

Ahh i am in similat situation with SIL.

I told my mum that i can not dictate ehi she spends time with. I can dictate who my dd spends time with and if she took her to see her again, she would not be looking after my child unsupervised.

Horrible isn't it, I love my mum and so do my kids but that doesn't give her the right to take them where she knows I'll not be happy with, I have spent the best part of a year and a half not seeing this woman (which is bliss), I'm not the only one who feels like this about her so we can't all be wrong.

Its really hard.

In my family my brother can be a dick too. So mum turns a blind eye to her behaviour because if she doesnt dbro is the type of person to ban my mum and dad seeing their kids. Mum is desperate to not lose her son and other grandkids.

But the tide is slowly changing. Mum realised that she was pushing me and my kids away. Dbro seems to have woken up to his wifes awful behaviour (its often aimed at him too) and challenging her behaviour himself.

In the long run, it might be better this way. Things are changing but dbros relationship with us is still ok.

The massive difference between yiu and me though, is that she has never physically threatened me. I am a competative fighter so she knows it not the way to go.

Lots of threats of never seeing her kids, calling SS on me (no basis for this whatsoever), telling me she would demand my parents never see me again etc. But not physical.

Its really not easy.

I don't really understand why your DM felt the need to defy your wishes like this. There were lots of places she could have taken DC (park, shops etc). I think it's the fact that she made a beeline for this person that would annoy me most.

@TeamUmizoomi2017

I think that's the only thing you can do. You can't trust your Mum. Ergo she doesn't have your kids unsupervised.

My Mum, now passed and very very much loved by me, used to make racist and homophobic comments around my daughter when she was little. Mum saw nothing wrong in what she was saying ( generational thing I think - I didn't judge her for it)

I told Mum that if she didn't stop she would never see my daughter alone again. End of. I couldn't allow that sort of thinking from someone my daughter admired and loved greatly, to permeate my daughters very young mind.

I wouldn't ask my mum to babysit again, if I couldn't trust her then I would never feel comfortable leaving them.

It's a no contact from me.

I would not let your mother be in sole charge of your child ever again and you need to find alternative childcare. Your mother can argue all she likes but she is still in the wrong here to completely disregard your feelings like she did. She does not want to listen to your viewpoint and that is why she would also hang up on you.

Up until the beginning of the year my mum also didn't want anything to do with her, I think this is what annoys me the most.
I let her know I was not happy about what she'd done.
I feel like that woman is laughing behind my back now, she actually went to physically attack my husband as this is where this nc has happened.
Thanks everyone

I do not allow my in laws unsupervised access to my children for exactly this reason. When we meet, we do it away from their home as well.

My SIL is pure poison and I will not have her anywhere near my children. Luckily, DH agrees.

When we explained it to MIL, she accepted the situation (although she did try to twist it round by saying I had asked her to turn her back on her daughter, which I hadn't. But that gave me a little insight into where her daughter might have inherited her bitchiness from..........)

rainbowduck my Mum was totally on board until not long ago.
She's is literally on a best behaviour phase and my mum has fallen for it.
Well good for her because I am not prepared to fall for this shit, and more fool my mum who is.