27, worried about running out of time for family.

[alpacasandwich]

I'm a mature student and haven't had a baby (pregnant at 23, ended in miscarriage before I could even decide what I wanted). My course finishes in 2021 at the earliest so I'll be 30/31.

Most people at uni are 18-21, with a scattering of older people. I've tried dating apps. Messed around in my early twenties with the wrong guys, had two LTRs that went nowhere (one lasted three years, one was short-term but dragged on as FWB for four long years).

I got a wake up call this summer working in retail. All my colleagues were married and very surprised that I wasn't. Most had completed their families by 30.

I want children (if I'm even able to have them, as my fertility is untested so far). More than that, I would love a family. But because my life has taken some twists and turns, I've gone off course a bit.

My main relationship was abusive (emotionally, physically) and other men have treated me somewhat dubiously, although I allowed it all to happen. I suffered depression from a young age and have scars all over my arms, thighs and stomach. I think I have a nice face and my body is alright but I'm nothing to write home about.

Maybe what I want will just not happen? I feel a bit like damaged goods at this point. Has anyone been in a situation like this?

Live your own life OP, no one else's. I had my first at 37 and am pregnant now at 42 with my third. You have lots abd lots of time xx

Only one out of all my friends had a baby before 30 - mostly they were around 35 or older....

You probably have a vulnerability that dodgy men can sniff out. I know people may not like that comment but your boundaries are probably not robust enough, I was involved with a DV charity and it's a theme.

Definitely true! I used to rail against this comment but it's been said to me a few times and I can respect it nowadays. I'm working on my boundaries but they are still a bit pants. Building up my self-esteem and surrounding myself with good friends has helped; they give the right kind of advice if I find myself attracted to the wrong man. Slowly, I am beginning to spot them myself.

I am really enjoying all the lovely stories here. I think I just panicked because 20s is the norm for starting families here. It's great to see that so many have had that romance/stable relationship later in life.

I didn't meet DP till I was 39. DD at 40, DS at 44.

At the risk of sounding patronising 27 is still very young to feel like you're running out of time for anything. If you'd wanted to be an Olympic tennis player or gymnast I'd be inclined to agree that you are getting on a bit. But in terms of marriage and children, you still have a lot of time on your side.
I'd also urge you to keep on developing your self esteem and self confidence. What you don't want to do is end up getting involved with a horrible man because you felt it was your 'last' shot at a family life.

Similar 28, one child already but feeling as though my time is running out :) x

Everyone is different!
Goodness I didn't even get my life together till I was 30.
Had my first at 33, my second at 36, and only found what I wanted to do in my forties.
I empathise with your anxiety but really so much can happen and you have plenty of time

OP those are brilliant things to be involved with and organising at university. You should be very proud of yourself.

I am currently reading a book called compassionate mind approach to self confidence and it is great. You may or may not also find it useful.

I got married when I was 22, had first dc at 21, split with dh at 33.

I'm now looking around at those friends who are just starting their families at the age of 35 and thinking 'I did it all wrong'.

There is no rush. Some people will have children and settle early but you might also find that by the time they reach their 30's/40's they are divorced. Why rush into a relationship? Take your time and find that special someone and if you don't find them there are other ways of starting a family.

It very much depends what social groups you're talking about for when most people have children. I have a mix of the two on my Facebook group - those who didn't go to university and are lower earners tend to have completed their families by 30. Not in all cases of course, and I'm sorry for the generalisation but it does seem to be mostly true.
Those who went to university, have higher paying jobs, especially those who live in cities that they don't come from - 30 seems to be the youngest age to have a child.
I was 30 and I was one of the younger mothers out of people I know. At work I would say people have children between 30-early 40s, although you wouldn't want to aim to have your first child in your 40s br sometimes that's what happens.

It's certainly not too old at all. You're way way way off an age to panic at yet!

Had my first at 30 and am the first amongst my group of friends (all same age) to have a baby and one of the youngest where I work to have gotten married and had a baby (professional environment).

Knowing I could have struggles conceiving (hereditary condition), we started earlier than we otherwise would have and it still took a while and a mc along the way. I'll admit there were moments I felt like you do and was terrified I had left it too late but I look back and see how things have fitted perfectly. I'm glad we waited until our relationship was secure, we were financially stable and in great jobs but it was hard to see when we were going through the more difficult times.

Don't worry, it will work out, it's just hard to see right now

I was married at 30. Met DP at 31, divorced at 32 and now pg with 1st baby at 33. Time moves fast when its right. I still feel 21, would have happily waited another couple of years before having a baby. I had no idea I (or DP, hes 43!) Were so fertile.

All I can say is dont stress and take care of your mental and physical wellbeing xx

OP stop panicking and focus on yourself for a while. I never really wanted children but decided on balance that I would regret it if I didn't. I had my first at 37 and second at 40. I married and divorced (very quickly) in my twenties. I do think that being comfortable in yourself and knowing what you want enables you to find a partner who is more likely to be suitable. As you get older you don't want to waste time and don't entertain those who aren't a halfway decent match. I focused on what I enjoyed doing in the hope that I would meet someone with a shared interest. Best of luck!