Sense of humour

[user100987]

Does your partner make you laugh? Do you share the same sense of humour? I'm struggling right now in my marriage and have been having serious doubts for a while now. One of the (sadly many) things that I'm not happy about is our complete lack of shared sense of humour. I feel like it's actually make me a different person as over the years I've stopped doing or saying daft things as I'll just get an eye roll or worse.
This is literally one thing and somehow I keep thinking that by analysing all these things I'll come to the decision that we need to split up. I'm too nervous/sad/lonely to make the decision unfortunately.

Me and my dp don't really have the same sense of humour. We do both find somethings funny. We both know what will make each other laugh though. So he will do things or say things that make me laugh and I'll do the same for him, show him things or do things i know will make him laugh.

DH and I don't really have the same sense of humour.

Well we do in a way but show it different.

DH tends to just smile at something funny whilst I'll audibly laugh or repeat the joke etc. In short, I'm pretty animated. But most things are like that for us.

I'm quite chatty, he's not so much.

Thanks both for your replies. Does the difference not upset you then? For me it's a really big deal and I can't work out how, after many years married, I've got myself into this situation (not just the humour thing, although that's a part of it).

For me not really because we both laugh. We have fun together and we do laugh, he makes me laugh. I have quite a silly sense of humour I love slap stick so he will do silly things to make me laugh. I'd feel a lot differently about it if we could not make Each other laugh or if we had no fun. He doesn't make me feel silly for the things I find funny and I don't do that to him either

I kind of disagree and think this is a big deal. I could not live with someone who eyerolled me when I was expressing my own sense of humour. No problem him not finding it funny or even endearing if he is an acquaintance - big problem if he is your life partner. Basically you are suppressing a big part of your identity for him. He is contemptuous of your sense of humour. That isn't acceptable.

Yes there are important things needed in a relationship besides a big laugh but you can have a list of things need - it doesn't have to be an either/or. I tell my kids they need to look for someone who is kind/not mean/not jealous/and who has a good sense of humour. As a minimum. Build from there.

Your ideas of humour don't have to be identical but I do think it is vital that you both have a broad sense of humour that allows you to tolerate the other person's view of funny and most important be able to laugh at yourself. I am not getting that from your OP.

My dad told the most appalling shaggy dog stories (mostly based on lines from Shakespeare) that were legend in our extended family. No one thought them really funny but we all thought him telling them very funny.

OP, you are not happy. He is showing contempt for who you are. Maybe there are magical wonderful compensations but I think you are focusing on this issue because it is deeply revealing of the divisions between you and the lack of ... just sheer liking someone ... that should exist in your relationship.

I had this, which was always fine as my best friend filled the humour gap but when I moved away from my bestie it be became more of an issue. I guess it depends what the trade offs are?

Oh god! This is totally me and my husband and I also find myself wondering how did I let this relationship go on this long. I also have stopped doing or saying things due to an eye roll also. Feel like I am losing who I once was .... for what?!!
Along with other negatives I have on relationship this is a major one for me!

I think laughing together is so important. A similar sense of humour is also quite important as that tends to feed the laughter.

I think there's a difference between having a different sense of humour & him making you change your behaviour because of his eye rolling.

Anyone who stops you from being yourself is bad for you.

Thanks so much everyone for the replies, lots of things here that resonate with me.

Confused - I feel your pain - there are loads of things that aren't right with us but this one is pretty high up there along with feeling constantly criticised (albeit fairly mild),never get compliments, affection only at very set times when he wants something, lack of any shared interests bar one (our dogs). How the fk did I get here. I need to take action but I'm scared of being alone (pathetic I know) particularly given I'm mid-40s with very little support of any kind around me.

In similar situation OP. I feel a shared sense of humour is vital in feeling close to a partner. This is sorely lacking in my relationship with DH and I feel it keenly. I love watching comedy programmes, but we can't share this partly because English not DH's mother tongue. I share humour with my DC and friends but get bored by this lack of sharing with DH so I sympathise with your feelings, OP.