So me and this guy haven't broken up but I was supposed to marry him and because I'm in a financial mess I couldn't go through with the marriage plans (there was no wedding organised yet). I thought it was the wisest thing. To wait. He took it as me not loving him enough to marry.
So that's a bit of context.
He feels hurt and I understand that. He went online and in some thread about a girl constantly seeking male attention he mentioned how he fell in love with an ugly fat girl (me) who turned out to be a girl looking for male attention, who broke his heart. He also said that taught him again the lesson that going after a homely looking girl thinking she's a better person than a very pretty one is wrong.
He snooped around my emails before we sort of broke up due to me not agreeing to marry and found posts I had made on Craigslist in 2015 in the platonic section looking for people to speak to as just friends.
He saw I always said no meet ups, no pics, no dirty talk, no flirting. Somehow for him this still constitutes attention-seeking and now I am a fat girl looking for male attention in his eyes.
I never exchanged any pictures with anyone and haven't been in contact with anyone since then. I failed to see how I am an attention-seeking person. I'm the total opposite. He hasn't found anything bad at all.
I replied once then stopped because these people just didn't interest me.
He was talking to girls online too at the time (which I knew about and that's the only difference).
He's always had a problem with my weight and he has a weight problem too.
When I confronted him about the post he made yesterday, because I felt like garbage obviously, he said he knew I'd see that post and it was just venting and exaggerating things.
I feel so humiliated that he thinks that. I think of when we had sex and all that and feel like killing myself. I'm not kidding. How do I feel good about myself knowing I trusted him and he has always seen me as an ugly girl.
He tried to make it sound like words said in anger sort of but before we got together he had seen a pic of me from my ex and thought I looked homely and I was slim then. I must conclude that that's his real opinion. Even if he did tell me during the course of our relationship that he thinks I'm pretty and I can be good-looking if I lose the weight. I can't believe all that now anymore.
It was just my face in the pic. Nothing else. He justified that by telling me that he thought it was the classic pose of someone fat hiding that they're fat so he found it unattractive but that's not true because then I wasn't a fatty. I put on weight quite a while after that pic was taken.