I've name changed for this as my usual username would be highly identifying. I honestly do not know how the get over my negative feelings towards my MIL and try and move past these...
For a bit of background, my DP has never got on with his mum (neither do his siblings), she is a very difficult woman and was not the the best mum according to my DP- there was lots of shouting and screaming, manipulation etc. MIL is so very entitled and believes she is always right and everyone seems to enable her behaviour, including DP, who moan incessantly about her, quite frankly, obnoxious and rude behaviour towards everyone but do not reproach her at all.
I have been with DP approx 5 years and we have 2 DC (18 months and 3 months) and MIL has been intolerable since then. When DC1 was born she completely ruined my experience by her overbearing and constant interference, she refused to acknowledge me as mummy and called me 'the milk machine' for ages, would hold onto DC for hours only hand back for a feed and then snatch away again, told everyone that she thought I had PND (I didn't)....oh I could go on and on about the awful things she put me through but this was post would be LONG.
DP has always been on my side and has spoken very firmly to his mother but always tries and keeps the peace eventually.
We negotiated that MIL would look after DC1 for one morning a week when I returned to work (we didn't need her to but it kept he peace and her quiet) it was working okay, she would mess us around a little bit but we paid our childminder for the whole day so it didn't make too much fuss for us. MIL has constantly gone on and on about how little she saw DC even though we would usually have a quick visit at the weekend too.
Recently I've had DC2 who she has no interest what so ever in- she has held DC2 three times in 3 months, polar opposite to DC1, doesn't buy gifts for DC2 yet showers DC1 in them - I've raised with DP and he has said to keep an eye on it and will raise if it continues.
MIL continues to obsess over my DC1 to the point she is openly taking the piss - bringing DC1 back an hour and half late (no apology), telling me she won't be bringing her back at the time I want as she won't get to see DC so she'll be back 2 hours after the time. I have raised with her and she did bring her back but is now requesting time on other days (when I've planned stuff) as she is the hard done to grandparent (not bothered about DC2 though) and DP has agreed to let her have her some weekend days - I'm livid about that but apparently I have to compromise.
I just cannot get over my rage towards her, it's eating me up, I can't stand to hear her voice now and I don't want her anywhere near my children (I physically recoil when she cuddles and kisses DC1) but my DC1 loves her, and my DP would never go NC as he adores his dad (enabler) and manipulated by his mum to constantly feel guilty. I honestly could punch her most of the time and I need to find a way to deal with it.
When I return to work, I'm hoping she says she can't look after both kids as then I can stop her having DC but I don't want her to anyway...I also need to deal with her behaviour now. HELP ME.