Couldn't agree more ^
My ex had the occasional outburst which I dealt with by pretending it hadn't happened. It was shit. And it escalated, badly, interspersed with him saying he'd get help which never happened, excuses because his dad used to hit his mum which had messed him up, and blame that I'd made him angry and deserved it.
He never let rip at anyone but me. And he used to scream and shout, rant and rave, punch walls and kick cars but be outraged when I got upset or tried to get away when he said it wasn't at me but just in front of me.
Well no one else could hear him could they, so of course it was at me! Even when I wasn't the cause but bad drivers, work, money, food, his mother, etc etc etc.
Not long later he was screaming in my face because I'd ask him to stop raging about whatever it was and calling me a fucking bitch because I wanted to live in a peaceful home with the man I thought I'd known.
It's not acceptable to behave like that and it's a shit way to live. I cannot tell you the relief of being away from it. Life is so easy!
I'm now married to a man who's never raised his voice to me and thinks I'm worth talking up, not bellowing at. I know I'm good enough to deserve being treated with kindness.
I remember the first time we went on holiday there was a fuck up with the rental car at the airport. Even though he's such a different person I could feel myself tensing up out of habit waiting for the storm. We calmly discussed what to do, had a chuckle, made a plan and got on with things. It was easy, calm, almost fun. It was a bloody revelation. And so life has continued. No rage, abuse, swearing, screaming. And I fancy the pants off him. It's hard to feel attracted to someone who uses you as their emotional punching bag.
You're so used to it you probably don't know what's normal anymore. I didn't.
Things can be better.