Ex Sister in Law in fury because I won't get in car with her

[AvocadoBathroom]

My exes narcissistic sister is meant to be visiting this weekend to see the various kids - she's staying with him. She just texted me to say that she wants to pick me and my kids and go to the zoo. (I don't drive)
I said to her that I couldn't agree to us going in the car with her anymore after an incident that happened last year where she drove with me the wrong way up a busy street with blind corners that led off a busy main road. She'd been talking so much when she did it - she talks NON STOP and she's always getting lost in the car and not listening to the navigator that it's actually quite anxiety provoking being in the car with her at all times. We end up an hour late to everything because she gets lost and talks incessantly when she's driving.
The actual incident itself was really scary when it happened, it's a road where people are slowing down to 40, and we drove for a couple of minutes with her saying "Oh shit, Oh shit" and me thinking "OMG we are going to have a head on collision because no car will see us coming round the corner"

So after that incident I told my ex and he was sympathetic - and I said to the kids we weren't going to get in the car with her again. When I said to her, look we can't drive with you after what happened last time, she flew into a massive rage, has cancelled the trip up, and then her mother (my ex MIL) was on the phone screaming at me that I'd hurt her daughters feelings and that to tell the kids that my ex SIL was a bad driver was a betrayal of trust and that we could never do any family trips again.
I said "I think you are totally over reacting, we can just get the train to the zoo and have a great time, but also I'm the kids mother and I am the one who decides whether I feel safe with them in the car with (batshit) XSIL "
Then they tried to minimise the driving up the road the wrong way, said it was a "quiet side road" it wasn't, said it could happen to anyone, said I was being totally unreasonable. I said "This is turning into a big drama" reply was "THERE IS NO DRAMA" ffs.
I think I'm totally within my rights to say no, I think this person is a dangerous driver! And no I don't want my kids to deal with that! My ex is in agreement. He said to me not to pick up the phone to them. This morning have just received a flurry of really really long texts saying they hope I enjoy my weekend and that I'm selfish for not allowing them to see the kids.

You and your EX are the parents here. Your word rules.

Just ignore- what's the worst they can do?

Good to know that your Ex backs you.

Talking non stop about people the person you're talking to doesn't know is a classic sign of narcissism. As is the flurry of demanding texts and calls. You won't be able to reason with her or her mum so just don't respond.

Your ex is right, ignore her.

You are more than right to refuse to go in her car and to keep your kids safe! You are doing your job as a mother, she is should take some refresher lessons that she clearly needs.

Point out that the only people stopping them from seeing the children is them, then block them.

Because it's been an amicable split and he works on contract at weekends - to fit around his family availability I'll be with them and the kids until he finishes his shift - in return he's run my mum to and from the hospital and got her groceries over the last couple of years. Our families aren't perfect but we've helped each other deal with them, really for the sake of the kids and to keep each other sane because we have to happily parent those kids! I think he'll be fine about me dropping seeing them alone after this. He's never made it an expectation or anything - it was just what we did because it meant the x in laws could see the kids at weekends he was working

Meh, I've done it and I'm an advanced driver. Got fined for it too by a policeman who saw me do it. Well the first time. I also did it a second time, but I was driving abroad in my defence, and slightly confused. It can be more easily done than you think. I think I also swore.

Even if you hadn't said, id have guessed you don't drive. However if you don't feel safe, you don't feel safe and as such your decision is final.

They visit about once every four months for a weekend - it's not like every week or something thank god - I might have had to spend maybe three weekends alone with them over the last five years

Bluntness - I think because I don't drive I've minimised the rest of the unsafe driving for years - but that was a particularly spectacular horror. I bet you don't talk without pausing to breathe whilst you are driving though? Or swerve sharply into roads all the time because you missed the turning. I don't drive but I do cycle and I know road etiquette

boney course she doesn't have to the peacemaker but she rightly dislikes the drama so it wasn't a dumb assumption. In no way did I suggest the DC should go in the car. I said she wasn't BU.

Well given they were meant to be here today, they've made good on their promise not to come up for the weekend. I'd be lying if I said I was disappointed. They were acting like I was ruining their fun. Because I don't drive I'm always grateful for a lift back from the supermarket with groceries or to get out to places I can't normally go. It's not like I'm benefitting from refusing to get in a car with her.

pinkdelight

I didn't say that it was a "dumb assumption".

I did say in a separate part of my post, that the OP shouldn't leave any leeway for the IL's to put the children in the car.