Hi,
7 and a half years ago my husband accused me of having an affair. I wasn't but he had read a text message on my phone. Sat on it for 6 months then after a passionate night together stopped talking to me for 3 days before saying if I wanted to be a slag I could f off but kids would not be going with me.
I thought we had got past it. Fast forward 3 years when I ended up drooling over a random stranger and actually made an effort every day because I saw him every day husband again was checking my phone (I thought he had stopped) but saw a message which I sent to a friend where I said what I was going through wasn't real and I needed to work harder with husband. At that husband gathered all my stuff together and threw it out the front door in black bin bags. Scared my two children (7 and 6 yrs), told my stepchildren (22 and 19) he would disown them if they knew or sided with me. Rang my parents to ask them to come and get me (I didn't leave as wouldn't leave the kids).
Things have been up and down dramatically since then. He changed his will, his life insurance policy etc.
A couple of years ago he decided in the October that he was going to leave after Christmas. Told me, then two days later told his children from his first marriage, then two days after that told our two children that Mummy and Daddy didn't love each other any more and that he was leaving after Christmas. My children cried in their sleep that night.
I took my wedding ring off that night.
I'm still there and so is he. He never left. Never explained to me or the children that he was staying, or why etc. He just didn't go.
He sleeps on the sofa downstairs and I sleep upstairs. I still cook clean tidy for all in the house (me, him, two step kids and my two kids) We do things as a family as I want the kids to be happy but I am desperately not. I feel no physical desire towards him. I don't trust him. I daren't have a "meaningful" conversation with him because whenever I do it ends really badly.
I want to get out but I am frightened because I have never lived alone. Am I just staying for the safety net? I have met someone who makes me feel awesome but am I just with them because it's better than the alternative? I would say no to this because I actually talk to the new person. I can talk about everything and anything .. even the issues at home.
Husband is supportive in times of need ie loss of family member and injury to me. But I don't think it's enough.
But do I try again? Should I be trying to make my marriage work?
Confused person ... Sorry for the massive post.