Ending an abusive marriage

[Onlythehorses]

I want out but i have no one. I have nowhere to go, no friends and no family.

I have no money as he controls it all. So I cant see a solicitor.

Womens aid have just said about a refuge but that is pointless as we have children. So am i just stuck here?

You can take the children to the refuge. I used to see mothers and children at the refuge as part of my job. They help you get on your feet, help with housing, benefits etc. They can offer programmes like the Freedom Programme etc

I saw once about a lady who would do the weekly shop and ask for cash back and put it in a separate bank account for when she left

I hope you find the strength to do it

Also see Citizens Advice, they can offer help. Some solicitors even offer the first hour for free. Again, women's aid could help too.

Its a complex situation but its pointless taking the children to a refuge. They would hate it. And he'd still be entitled to see them as hes their dad.

Probably the best thing is to try and keep my head down and not annoy him.

Keep your head down and not annoy him? Goodness that's no way to live.

Refuges aren't bad places, the children will be fine. There are facilities for them to be entertained. Your partner would be entitled to see them but not at the refuge. Again, speak to Women's Aid and go through all of this with them, see what facilities and help there is, it may make it clearer and easier in your head to see a way out. I hope you're ok.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.You have actually already taken the first step, because you recognise the marriage is abusive. It's rarely just a case of fleeing to a refuge, like you say, the situation is complex and at the moment you can't see a way out. Your abuser will have made sure that you believe that too. It's really hard to plan how to get away without knowing all the facts, a local domestic violence service could be the best option for you. They can meet or talk on phone to you and help you plan. Women's aid should be able to tell you about who is nearby. And don't worry about the children seeing their dad, if you seperate because of abuse this can be handled in lots of different ways. Your safety comes first. Could you go to a local Freedom programme safely? That will really help you understand what's happening and you'll get support and information there. Google freedom programme and there is a search facility.