Husband registered on dating sites

[LippyP]

Apologies for long post .What should I do? A few weeks ago I saw an email on my husbands phone confirming his subscription to a porn site, I was not too shocked as he is into spanking, which I have known about since we met. I have participated on and off but I'm not really into it. I just turned a blind eye about the subscription sort of thinking if it makes him happy then ok. But I did wonder how he was paying for it and today when he was out I looked at his laptop and found several emails from 3 different sites which confirm he is registered with them. This is in an email account i accessed from his history. One is a dating site, the other two are related to spanking/porn. They put people in touch over the Internet but he has registered where he lIves (the area) so I am worried he is seriously looking to hook up with someone not just chat or look at photos. Should I confront him as it looks as if he's not sent any messages yet he only registered last week. He only gets the opportunity to go online when I am out which isn't that often. I love him we have a good relationship two lovely kids and I am worried he is embarking on something that could threaten our relationship. We have an average sex life and it's great when we do It, he would like to do it more but most men do I think. He has been a bit irritable with me recently and I am wondering if this is why? Any advice appreciated.

It looks like he's trying to find a spanking partner. When a man has a fetish of any kind of he'll want to make it happen as often as he possibly can.

It sounds like you're prepared to accept it as long as he doesn't leave you.

I think a discussion on boundaries is necessary.

Sounds like a good chat (when you both have time) is in order. I would find it challenging to listen without showing any judgement or hurt feelings but I think it would probably help to try and hear him out as objectively as you possibly can.

Are you of the prevention or cure mindset? Would you prefer to deal with this now or WHEN you know he has been with someone else?

What has his spanking fetish got to do with going on a dating site; either way OP, he's being a total cunt; your single friends will be able to see him on there, does he have any respect for marriage and fidelity cos it sure as hell looks not.

I'd have his bags packed but that's me.

Thx for your constructive comments. I should say he hasn't put a photo on any site I believe he is dipping his toe in the water so to speak. I want to prevent home going further and agree a talk is definitely needed.

'him' going any further

So you've checked all the sites he's on, he's given you that permission, I doubt you know everything OP and I doubt you want to spend the rest of your life Policing his behaviour.

I think you are being very laid back about it all, I'd go ballistic, a dating site, when he's married, really.

Just cos he has a fetish does not give him the right to advertise for hooks up fgs.

Having a fetish is no excuse to look outside of the marriage if that's what he's doing. Guys don't die if they don't have their fetish catered for.

You need to set some very, very clear boundaries. I had a similar situation (before marriage but we were living together).

I made it very, very clear that any repeat behaviours whether it be browsing dating/fetish sites where people 'hook up', registering for one or any kind of dating site would see me throw his stuff out immediately. There would be no chance for explanations, we would be done.

We also agreed that I would know all his passwords and would be completely allowed to check his shit whenever I wanted to put my mind at rest.

I personally feel that you saying okay to the initial subscription for his fetish was the first step of opening the door for him branching out. Gave him an inch and he's taken a mile.

I am worried he is embarking on something that could threaten our relationship Of course he is threatening your relationship - if secretly subscribing to a porn site and registering with dating sites isn't a threat I don't know what is.

He is planning to cheat! Having a fetish does not give him carte blanche - we all have things we compromise on in relationships. He has done this secretively and has not talked to you about his feelings. He is irritable with you because he knows what he is doing is wrong but wants to rationalise it to himself that your behaviour has in some way driven him to do it.

Where's your line OP? Does him actively signing up to a dating site not cross it?