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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

When you don't know if you love him anymore

1 reply

Justdontknow4321 · 03/08/2017 21:05

Name changed.

Back ground : been with my Partner for about 9 and a half years, we have 2 children which are 6 and 4, joint mortgage together.

As above Iv been with my partner for 9 years, we met when I was 18, I'm 27 now.

And I'm really not sure if I love him anymore, I just feel so guilty about it though and iv not said anything to him as I'm pretty sure he would be devastated. The thought of him being unfaithful to me doesn't even fill me with sadness anymore.

He's not a bad guy at all! No abuse, never cheated on me, we both have passwords to each other's phones etc not that it's ever needed. He's a good dad to our children, has them alone and we put them to bed together every night unless one of us is out. He can be abit miserable and moany but nothing that's to much. He pays the majority of the bills as he works full time and I work part time to look after the children. Our youngest has autism.

But I'm honestly not sure when these feelings started, I actually want to say over 2 years ago, which I know reflects poorly on my part as maybe I should of said something ages ago but I was just hoping the feeling would come back and so far my lack of feelings have just been getting worse and worse.

He's working away this week for the first time ever and I can honestly say I don't miss him at all, he calls every evening to have a chat and talk to our eldest (youngest is non verbal) to say good night etc.

I usually go out once a week with a friend for a catch up once the kids are in bed. We either go to the cinema, or have a drink at the local pub, cup of tea round her house, etc and honestly I look forward to this so much as I can just get out and I don't have to sit on the sofa next to him watching whatever is on.

I don't even know why I'm posting really, no one can help me. I just feel stuck. I can't see myself growing old with him but I don't want to tear apart my family either. My daughter would be so upset if she didn't see her Dad everyday.

He's 31 btw. There is NO other man and Iv never cheated. As far as I know he's never cheated either.

OP posts:
whatsmyname2017 · 03/08/2017 21:22

Hi OP. Perhaps you are feeling things are a bit stale. You're still very young and clearly this has been your only serious relationship. I think its pretty common to start feeling like this, as subconsciously you think life is perhaps passing you by.
No-one can tell you what to do but you can't carry on feeling like that. Its not fair on you or your DH. I think lots of people can go through phases of this and come out the other side, but sounds like you've felt like this for a while!
Could you perhaps try to spend more time alone together without the children?

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