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Original poster

My dh says...

31 replies

fjguor · 03/08/2017 19:02

..'if you love me and you truly meant your marriage vows, you will stay celibate & loyal by my side.'

A decade of no sex is killing me. There is no intimacy at all. He will not attend Relate.

He keeps making it about me, I'm the one at fault for threatening to break the solemn vows I made before God. I went to see the vicar who married us and begged his help. He had nothing to offer. I feel very let down by the church.

OP posts:
kissmethere · 04/08/2017 10:37

That's totally unacceptable. Sex is part of a healthy marriage. Is he getting it from someone else? He's abusing your vows and their meaning. Is he controlling you? Like withholding sex and you must obey? Any other kind of affection or love from him?

FelineEleganza · 04/08/2017 11:00

I don't believe anyone should be forced into intimacy just because they married someone, but I also believe that it gives you the right to end the marriage if you aren't fulfilled.

justanotheryoungmother · 04/08/2017 11:15

10 years of no sex when you're married?!Shock

No no no.

junebirthdaygirl · 04/08/2017 14:45

Catholic church hate divorce but even they allow annullment if no consumation.
Your dh doesnt get to decide. You do.
And lm a Christian.

OrlandaFuriosa · 04/08/2017 15:18

June, the problem arises when the marriage has been consummated. And then sex stops.

We'd all be furious as women if husbands forced themselves on wives. Quite rightly. And so, vice versa. But it's also unacceptable for a couple to live in a sexless marriage if one of the couple doesn't want that.

Giraffey1 · 04/08/2017 15:25

Immaterial if it's the man with-holding sex or the woman. In a balanced relationship one partner's needs / wants should not cancel out the needs and wants of the other. If a couple lives happily in a celibate state becus they both agree it's ok then fine. But when there's no agreemtn, it's a different matter.

It also isn't right to emotionally blackmail your partner ... if you loved me you would XXXXXXX etc. Your H is trying to have everything his own way and refusing to accept there's another side to the coin. He is ignoring the full text of the marriage vws and if he is a Christian, the guidance set out in the bible.

I'd be telling him that if he isn't prepared to go to counselling with you or to compromise in some way then you will be asking him to leave. Ten years is too long to waste any more time hoping he will change.

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