Feel disrespected by Bf

[ParrotK]

So when i first met my partner we spoke a lot about his previous relationships. He said he never had to watch porn with his ex's he was satisfied enough with the sex. So as time went on we did watch porn together and we had a good sex life we would have sex nearly everyday. Then one night he had sex with me then when i was asleep went on my phone and watched porn then had sex with me in the morning. I felt a bit upset by this that he would have sex with me twice in one night and still need to watch porn and especially on my phone. I also had got pregnant and was feeling insecure about myself, so i explained i didn't like him watching porn and not to do it again on my phone. So everything was fine i didn't watch porn neither did he (to my knowledge). We had a good sex life during pregnancy having sex like at least 4 times a week.Then he went away for a month for training at work, i said i didn't mind him watching porn when he was away from me but not when we are together and in the house. So thats what he did everything was fine. I can't stress enough how much we have sex we even had sex the night i went into labour! So after giving birth he obviously wants sex and to do intimate things like masturbating over me and bjs. So i do that to please him but i also found it uncomfortable him masturbating over my bum. So when we went on holiday 3 weeks after giving birth he tried to have sex with me i said no i don't want to anyways it eventually happened slowly and everything was ok. Then the next night he wanted to masturbate over me again i said no and he didn't like no for an answer. So when i fell asleep he went on my phone and watched pov porn. I woke up to him not there and wondered where he was :/ but in the morning went on my internet browser and seen what he had searched and obviously i was not happy about it. I felt disrespected that he hadn't cared to think i didn't like him watching porn on my phone from the 1st time he did it. I do feel like i can't trust him anymore and i don't want to have sex with him now that he watches that in the middle of the night even when i am still having sex with him? I feel like i can't satisfy him enough as he didn't watch porn with his ex's. I do feel like it's cheating a bit aswell. I was never bothered by my ex watching porn because he never disappeared in the middle of the night. He did it in his time and i didn't know but i feel like i want to break up with him now and find someone who respects my view. I have been told all men watch porn but they don't understand its not about watching porn its about things he does like disappearing. Also having sex with me and still watching porn.

But you don't know for sure that he didn't watch porn in previous relationships, as that seems to be what's upsetting you the most.

Do you think he might have a sex addiction? And can you have a serious discussion about if, if you otherwise have a good relationship?

I'd be more concerned about him going in a mood over sex and you doing things you aren't comfortable with to please him rather than him watching porn.

He blatantly has no regard for your feelings or respect for you if he is still doing what you have discussed him not doing. .
His porn habit has become the main focus of his sexual release. .

He can wank his penis to death but not over you /in you if you don't agree /nor using your phone for the porn /in the bloody bed while you are there ffs!!
If he can't follow a healthy respectful relationship he needs to be shown the door imo.

He is a selfish twat at best.
At worst a fucking sex pest. .

I would finish the relationship with him....talking from experience it will only get worse not better and if you don't give him what he wants he will find someone else who will....and then what....respect yourself and don't do things that he wants you to do just to keep him quiet...get rid asap

OP - how old are you? I am guessing you are very young as the world seems to be so black/white to you.
His sex life with his ex and whether he watched porn then is irrelevant. You seem to feel insecure about her and him in that relationship. He moved on. He is with you, not her.
Also - you have a baby, which changes things.

Secondly - you are OK with him watching porn 'on his own time' - like your other ex. And - as far as many people are concerned - middle of the night, when everybody is asleep IS his own time. What other time is there?
Watching porn the night after you've had sex - why not. He clearly seems to have a high libido. I have known men who can (and want to) go 3-4 times in a couple of hours. Not an addiction, just libido.
Would you rather he woke you in the middle of the night?

You sound insecure and angry at him. But - there is no need to be that. Have as much/little sex that you want and feel comfortable with. In the way you want it.
And if he wants/need a little extra than what you want - and can help himself - why does it need to be controlled by you? It's not a threat.

One thing I don't get - why doesn't he use his own phone?

Well tbh the relationship hasn't been great in other area's i do have trust issues with him because when we first met his ex was still texting him and logging into his email trying to ruin our relationship by cancelling house viewings. Messaging me saying how much of a twat he was. I was very confused as i had never had that in previous relationships so it was making me cynical why is she so obsessed? Then he went on training for 2 weeks and he only just got his work number and she left voicemails on that phone. So i then wondered how has she got his work number? I didn't even have it? He said she must have rang his work for it but i still don't believe him till this day and he still denies it and then one day i ask to use his phone for facebook. So i log in everything is ok. I ask another day and he is logged into his ex's facebook when previously it wasn't logged into. He still denies not logging into that aswell and he said must have still been logged in since they was in a relationship. So because i still don't believe him with them 2 situations it has been hard to move on from. Which i should move on from it but a couple months into the relationship she rang him when i was pregnant. I said this is enough you change your number i couldn't handle the way she tried to break us up in the beginning and still trying to contact him. There isn't any other reason not to trust him but i do have trust issues from previous relationships and i know they are my issues i need to work on.

Anyways to the poster who said you didn't mind your ex doing it and when your asleep its his own time. Well me and my ex cuddled all night and had sex ourselves not sneaking to the bathroom to masturbate to porn after sex, it didn't make me feel insecure. It's the intimacy after sex and waking up to find him disappeared and going on porn on my phone when i said no to sex. ( i kinda feel like it was on purpose because i said no)
I do feel insecure and he has disrespected how i felt from the beginning. I also do think he is selfish. I have wanted to leave but financially i can't ( i only get £500 maternity leave a month) he provides for us and has a decent job/wage.
Exactly how i feel he is selfish, direspected me and obviously not cared how i felt previously as he has done it again without considering my feelings. I know it's my own issues that i feel insecure and my body isn't as great as it use to be because of pregnancy and just having a baby but i am very open with how i feel about myself and maybe he should consider that. I do feel alone at the moment that is why i have wrote this post. My parents say i am causing trouble with him and its all my fault and they don't understand the way i feel. I have 2 beautiful children and a supportive man. They think it's just porn okays. When to be honest he isn't as great as they think. He has chucked cold water on me a lot when pregnant pushed me about pulled my hair. Made me feel uncomfortable to have sex but he has done because he makes me feel bad saying i don't love him or don't find him attractive if i don't and takes my car keys off me so i don't go out when i need to. Since having the baby he has become more stressy and paranoid. He asks what i am doing on my phone all the time he shouts in my face and chucked coffee on me and broke my mummy cup because i wanted to see my sister instead of his family. Obviously i ain't perfectly innocent i have said bad things and maybe he is reacting but i don't think he should react in violent ways. We are forever ok for a couple of days and then get into arguments and it goes toofar. The last straw when i was determined i was moving out was when we was arguing about what we were doing on each others phones and he just pinned me to the bed pulling my hair and shouting in my face and poking my head you have problems your a horrible witch. Poisonous and toxic. The day after i had a bruise. I don't understand why he got that angry but his dad said he is annoyed and reacting that way because i am accusing him and he is a very honest person and wouldn't cheat, so he is getting angry with me.

Regarding the porn I don't mind if i didn't know about it or on his phone when i am not there. He knew the script.
The reason why he did it on my phone this time is because he said he had no data left. I just think could he not have waited and did he not think i would have gotten upset about it?

I am 23. Another issue is he has chosen to move near his family and he wants me to come if i don't we are over with. So its me staying as a single mum and i know its going to be difficult to sort finances out and move out with kids or go with him and financially we are ok. I have a month old baby and a 6 year old girls. It's going to be very stressful moving out with the children by myself and no supportive family. They have said to me at least he is financially supporting me and still here.
Its not all bad in the relationship we have good times aswell that is why i am still with him but we have terrible bad times. I do love him and we have talked about the way he has been and he has reassured me he won't be like that again and then bought me flowers. So there is one side of me that thinks it will be positive moving with him and another thinks it will get worse. I suppose it has come to make or break.

The porn use is the ABSOLUTE LEAST of your worries here.

This is domestic violence. Physical assault, and sexual abuse.

Please call Women's Aid on 0808 2000 247 24, tell them what you wrote in your post at 09:12.

This is no way to live.

I know it's abuse and i have told him that but he says i am abusive too. I don't want to live like this anymore but it is difficult when i have no one to support me and no money. It's scary to think i will be by myself with no friends and family around. I have never been in this position before i have always been pretty independent with my own house. I have no idea how to get out and i feel trapped. I also find it hard to talk to people on the phone and i get flustered because my confidence is really low at the moment. Thank you for the number though.

Agree with Parrot.
You are just latching on porn use as a way to express your unhappiness.
Sorry you are at this dark place.
I am at a loss for advice.
Other than - do you have family that can help you?

Are both of your children his as well? If you leave - he'll have to support you all financially.

Can you imagine living like this for the rest of your life?
And you are still so young.

Parrot there are some very wise women on these boards who are well versed in how to escape abusive men with small children in tow.

Just take one step at a time. Gather your thoughts and decide what you want to do. People here will help you when you want it. You can be independent again.

Sorry Ive only read your first post and that's enough, the guy is a bloody creep, not trustworthy, has zero respect for you and it appears domestic violence too; please get rid; he's using you as a wank bucket, absolutely disgusting person. he won't change OP, he will get worse, he's abusing you, that is not love, it's all about control.