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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Crying over my ex while dating someone new

3 replies

Confusedaboutitallreally · 03/08/2017 08:49

I've been dating this really great guy for the past two months, it's going really well and I really like him. We're not official yet although he did bring it up a while ago but at the time I thought it was a bit soon.
6 months ago I ended a 2 and a half year relationship with my ex, it was very hard but I felt like I had to do it. We didn't see each other enough and I was feeling like he wasn't making enough effort with me which built up a lot of resentment on my part and I was unhappy. We stayed friends after and even hung out a couple of times, although we don't actually hang out any more we speak occasionally and that's the extent of our "friendship" now.
I've dated other people since our break up, I've mostly been dealing with it well, other than occasionally I will remember something and get upset. When we were together he was my best friend and we had so much fun together, I felt like he really 'got' me. I've been putting the fact that I'm getting upset over him down to feeling sad that I've lost a friend. Although lately I've been crying a lot, little things that I remember will set me off, and then I'll feel terrible because I know this really great guy likes me (and I like him too) and I'm crying over my ex. I don't want him back, I know I would just be unhappy, but I do miss him as a person. I don't want to end things with this new guy, when I'm with him I think about him, not my ex. I really like him. I don't feel like this is a rebound but I'm also aware this isn't fair on him. Do I have to end it with him? I just don't know what I should do

OP posts:
Confusedaboutitallreally · 03/08/2017 09:26

Bump

OP posts:
Ladyformation · 03/08/2017 09:50

Why isn't it fair on him? Unless you're crying over your ex whilst you're actually with him, the new guy presumably doesn't know how you're feeling?

Nothing wrong with dating while you're a bit sore, as long as you're honest with yourself and to an appropriate extent honest with new guy. Does he make your life better? Do you make his life better? If the answer to both is yes, crack on!

ShatnersWig · 03/08/2017 11:06

This to me sounds like you're not yet over your ex and I actually agree with you OP and not the PP but I don't think it's fair to date someone else until you're in the right place. I once dated someone who I really liked but she wasn't over her ex and split with me over it. I'd rather not have dated her at all so I didn't get hurt.

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