Dear teeny219
You don't mention having friends or family or anything so I'm going to assume that you don't have much or any support on that side of things.
I would like to tell you to phone Women's Aid and leave - this is the option I think you should take ideally. I really urge you to think about it as an option, even if you don't feel able leave right now, just phone and talk, play with the idea. Calling you a cunt is unacceptable.
Now down to business.
First off. You get the treatment you put up with. I repeat. You get the treatment you put up with. One more time, You get the treatment you put up with.
What did you do after the last time you tried to talk to him and he ignored you? Or called you some ugly name? My bet is you got up next day and carried on. You don't do that in future. No.
You DO NOT have conversation with, make dinner, and clean up after a man after he calls you a cunt. You do not give him sex. You do not give him blowjobs. You do not carry on as if it is all good. You do not go away and have a little cry, square up your shoulders and carry on the next day. No.
You make him see you. You make him reassess who the fuck he's talking to.
It starts with the verbal abuse. A lot of people find swearing in a relationship acceptable but I do not. I see it as the first rung on the ladder of abuse. Name calling is step up and to you it should be wholly unacceptable.
So the first step is, the very next time he swears when angry at you or calls you a name, you instantly drop everything, tell him 'I won't be spoken to like that' and walk out with dignity. I mean it, walk out. Leave the baby behind, if you have to, or take him. Do not swear back. The point is you stop the conversation and you get out promptly. Then don't return for hours. If dinner burns or something doesn't get done, that's on him. When you return, you say nothing or demand an apology. If he starts shit again, you leave again immediately or go straight to bed. I was not afraid to go to the late night cinema (try it), the local Sainsbury's or sit down in McDonald's at 11pm at night if necessary.
When my DH and I got together, if he didn't like my opinion he would nastily say 'you're just talking out of your arse'. I did what I'm telling you to do 3 times. He has never swore at me or spoken that phrase since. Years have passed. He remembers the lesson.
The phone and tv thing. Again he wants to sit and hogg the tele every night without consideration for you?The next time he reaches for the remote control, tell him it is completely unfair that he expects to watch whatever he wants without considering you. The second he kicks off respond as above*
He refuses to share: Sex is off the cards. Tell him precisely why you're not in the mood. 'Because you show no consideration for me at other times, and I am not sex doll with no feelings.' Tell him explicitly what you expect, not want, EXPECT. You expect a hug every evening when he gets home. You expect a thanks after every dinner, you expect him to share the TV, you expect one evening a week together, you expect money for the baby.
You don't get these things, you stop cooking nice dishes etc. You do bare minimum and make sure when he comes home you are not there. Again, be prepared to go sit alone somewhere if necessary. If you have any family, visit or stay overnight.
Essentially you have given the impression that no matter how badly you are treated, you will be there. So what is his incentive to treat you any differently? You say you love this man. But you are letting him act like a shit. Its not really in his best interests as a father. Or yours. Deep down a man wants a woman he can respect, not a doormat. He may act like he doesn't but he does. He wants something to look up to.
You need to start with believing you are worth more. You have to have the firm boundaries in your own mind about what treatment of you is unacceptable. What you should put up with and what you should not. You have to believe you are worthy of great love, that you are the best thing that has ever happened to this man and he will never get better. You really, really have to. Your postnatal depression is partly due to a low sense of worth. Trust me. You are the best thing this man has ever had. You cook, and clean after him, respect and love him when he least deserves it. Some women would have dropped him on his arse. You are loyally sticking by him. You are a real find. He will never be so lucky again. Ever. Tell him this and look him in the eye as you do.
The truth is, it's the relationships you are prepared to really leave if necessary that are appreciated the most. If a partner knows he can lose the relationship, he respects it more. If not, it is taken for granted. Right now your partner thinks you'll never go anywhere. He probably senses that you can't cope alone. You need to change that perception. Be prepared to truly leave if necessary.
This advice only stands if he is not violent or likely to be violent and if that is the case or nothing changes then call Women's Aid and get out ASAP. Leave. Also give a set time, six months for some improvement. No changes leave. There are better men out there, and this one was not worthy of you.
Sorry long post hth xxx