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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I feel invisible and alone

5 replies

teeny219 · 03/08/2017 07:48

Hello. I just wanted some advice, I don't really have anyone to ask. My partner has always been a cold and distant person. At first, when we were dating, I tried to brush it under the carpet and ignore it because as long as I had no upsets in my life, everything was fine. But the more time goes on I can see that my emotional needs are not being met.
A big problem is that I spend 99% of my time watching our 7 month old baby, my partner is either at work or golf and when he is at home he is on his phone on continuous loops of instagram, Facebook and his group chats with his mates. His phone is the first thing he looks at when he wakes up (he half heartedly gives his son 5 minutes then i have to take him to the kitchen for his breakfast - my partner lies on his phone for a full half hour before getting up). Then he goes out to work, doesn't come home till 5 - expects the house to be tidy, the kids to be happy and his tea on the table. Yet again, when he comes home, he sits on his phone again and shoves golf on the tv ignoring us all. Now, if he spent some time talking to me and making me feel like I exist, I wouldn't mind. Even a cuddle when he gets in and a five minute chat about his and my day would be fine. Then some nights he goes out to golf and doesn't come in till 9, and each day at the weekend he is 6 hours away sat and sun playing.
He never comes for walks or makes plans with us and if he does he has a mopey face all day and has his phone attached to his hand.
He has also in the past been very verbally abusive, he's called me everything from cu*t to loser. He's kicked my things around and told me we're over and I'm not taking my son.
Things have been better but the moment I'm upset about something he gets angry at me. I've had post natal depression which I'm trying to recover from but I have only got his family here and I can't talk to them because after every argument he goes bitching to them about me.
I've been struggling during the holidays because my other two are off school. I'm alone all day. I could feel myself getting further down, this morning I lost my babies new shoes and I just started crying because everything just got too much. Rather than comfort me, he told me I was stupid and dramatic for being upset. No hug just anger which makes me feel totally alone. How can he not care?
I know this is glaring me in the face. He doesn't care. But if I say that to him he just gets angry, he says he loves me all the time but I really don't feel it. :( I know he works hard but I'm asking for a cuddle and a bit of love to be shown. I do all the housework alone, take care of our son alone. I can't get a job because I can't afford childcare, but he has money leftover every month for himself. He bought expensive golf clothes and went away for a golf competition. I spent my last spare £20 on the baby. He needs a high chair but he still hasn't got one and I don't want to nag but I haven't got any money.
I'm just so lonely and I love him. I kill myself trying to be perfect for him but when the mask slips he gets so angry. I have no confidence to make friends here. My whole life is him and the baby but we are not his. What do I do?

OP posts:
JK1773 · 03/08/2017 07:54

You and the DC are nowhere on his list of priorities. Why are you struggling for money raising his child? Your baby doesn't have a high chair but he is out at golf all the time. What does that tell you? He's controlling and cruel, withholding affection. I have no idea why you are with this man. You sound like you and the DC are just an inconvenience in his house. You are worth so much more than this. You need serious words and he needs to reprioritise his life otherwise I'd be off. Sorry but he sounds awful

crazyhorses3 · 03/08/2017 07:57

oh my god this is so unbelievably sad. I really feel for you. Firstly, what dos 'love ' mean to you? You say you love your husband, but what do you love about him? He sounds like your jailor, not a partner. Being at home all day alone with a young child is very very hard. The least your partner can do is talk to you and support you when he comes home from work, make time for family activities etc. He is putting zero effort into your relationship by the sound of it, and this is not love. What on earth are you getting out of this situation? There sounds like absolutely nothing in it for you.

Do you have close friends you can talk to? Does your family provide support? I find it incredible that he bitches to his family about you. He should be on your side for god's sake. It is his child you are caring for, virtually unaided! What is he doing as a father to help you?Nothing it sounds like.
I would suggest that you both go to a relationship counsellor. If he won't go, go alone. If you can't afford this, think carefully about what this situation is actually doing to you emotionally. If your husband can't change his behaviour and step up to the plate, please think about ending this relationship. It is only going to destroy your well being to live like this.
Can you talk honestly with him about what it is you need from him? Could he look after your child one night a week whilst you go out with friends or family? Do you have any hobbies or interests you can pursue in the evenings whilst he babysits? Do you ever go out as a couple?

Could you get a job, even part time to get out of the house and have some money of your own?

This situation really needs to change, or you will drown. My heart goes out to you.

noego · 03/08/2017 16:35

You are what is known as a golf/phone widow. In other words your marriage has been superseded by another thing (golf and phone) Its like he is having an affair. So you are grieving for the relationship and believe it is still alive. It isn't, Meanwhile you are being the au pair, nanny and housekeeper. Big girl pants time methinks. Time to face the reality of the situation. FlowersFlowers

superchocolatedigestive · 04/08/2017 02:13

You leave him. He's an arse. Life is too short to be unhappy and you owe it to your child who may grow up to mimic the behaivour and think it is acceptable to treat people that way. Actions speak louder than words and 'I love you's only mean something if there are loving examples to go with it. I hope you find the strength. X

HadronCollider · 04/08/2017 07:37

Dear teeny219

You don't mention having friends or family or anything so I'm going to assume that you don't have much or any support on that side of things.

I would like to tell you to phone Women's Aid and leave - this is the option I think you should take ideally. I really urge you to think about it as an option, even if you don't feel able leave right now, just phone and talk, play with the idea. Calling you a cunt is unacceptable.

Now down to business.

First off. You get the treatment you put up with. I repeat. You get the treatment you put up with. One more time, You get the treatment you put up with.

What did you do after the last time you tried to talk to him and he ignored you? Or called you some ugly name? My bet is you got up next day and carried on. You don't do that in future. No.

You DO NOT have conversation with, make dinner, and clean up after a man after he calls you a cunt. You do not give him sex. You do not give him blowjobs. You do not carry on as if it is all good. You do not go away and have a little cry, square up your shoulders and carry on the next day. No.

You make him see you. You make him reassess who the fuck he's talking to.

It starts with the verbal abuse. A lot of people find swearing in a relationship acceptable but I do not. I see it as the first rung on the ladder of abuse. Name calling is step up and to you it should be wholly unacceptable.

So the first step is, the very next time he swears when angry at you or calls you a name, you instantly drop everything, tell him 'I won't be spoken to like that' and walk out with dignity. I mean it, walk out. Leave the baby behind, if you have to, or take him. Do not swear back. The point is you stop the conversation and you get out promptly. Then don't return for hours. If dinner burns or something doesn't get done, that's on him. When you return, you say nothing or demand an apology. If he starts shit again, you leave again immediately or go straight to bed. I was not afraid to go to the late night cinema (try it), the local Sainsbury's or sit down in McDonald's at 11pm at night if necessary.

When my DH and I got together, if he didn't like my opinion he would nastily say 'you're just talking out of your arse'. I did what I'm telling you to do 3 times. He has never swore at me or spoken that phrase since. Years have passed. He remembers the lesson.

The phone and tv thing. Again he wants to sit and hogg the tele every night without consideration for you?The next time he reaches for the remote control, tell him it is completely unfair that he expects to watch whatever he wants without considering you. The second he kicks off respond as above*

He refuses to share: Sex is off the cards. Tell him precisely why you're not in the mood. 'Because you show no consideration for me at other times, and I am not sex doll with no feelings.' Tell him explicitly what you expect, not want, EXPECT. You expect a hug every evening when he gets home. You expect a thanks after every dinner, you expect him to share the TV, you expect one evening a week together, you expect money for the baby.

You don't get these things, you stop cooking nice dishes etc. You do bare minimum and make sure when he comes home you are not there. Again, be prepared to go sit alone somewhere if necessary. If you have any family, visit or stay overnight.

Essentially you have given the impression that no matter how badly you are treated, you will be there. So what is his incentive to treat you any differently? You say you love this man. But you are letting him act like a shit. Its not really in his best interests as a father. Or yours. Deep down a man wants a woman he can respect, not a doormat. He may act like he doesn't but he does. He wants something to look up to.

You need to start with believing you are worth more. You have to have the firm boundaries in your own mind about what treatment of you is unacceptable. What you should put up with and what you should not. You have to believe you are worthy of great love, that you are the best thing that has ever happened to this man and he will never get better. You really, really have to. Your postnatal depression is partly due to a low sense of worth. Trust me. You are the best thing this man has ever had. You cook, and clean after him, respect and love him when he least deserves it. Some women would have dropped him on his arse. You are loyally sticking by him. You are a real find. He will never be so lucky again. Ever. Tell him this and look him in the eye as you do.

The truth is, it's the relationships you are prepared to really leave if necessary that are appreciated the most. If a partner knows he can lose the relationship, he respects it more. If not, it is taken for granted. Right now your partner thinks you'll never go anywhere. He probably senses that you can't cope alone. You need to change that perception. Be prepared to truly leave if necessary.

This advice only stands if he is not violent or likely to be violent and if that is the case or nothing changes then call Women's Aid and get out ASAP. Leave. Also give a set time, six months for some improvement. No changes leave. There are better men out there, and this one was not worthy of you.

Sorry long post hth xxx

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