I have no friends!

[Staceyea]

Hello mumsnet

Im new here so whilst lingering the internet I thought id join and post.

Im 26 years old a mother or 2 and in a relationship but other than that I seize to exist anywhere else.
I have no friends.
Maybe the odd person that I will see every now and again then go months without talking but I have no one, im the loneliest ive ever been,. Unless im around family which the nearest family member lives 2 hours away, I talk to one of my sons nans but other than that there is no one.

I always want to be out with my kids especially now its the summer but I have no one in my phonebook that I can text to make plans with, most of the time im bored amd everyone around me is surrounded in loads of people and im not, my kids are 5 and 9 so mother baby groups are a no go, I dont have the time to join a gym.

Is it bad that I want to be me as well as mum or just my partners girlfriend?

Hi Stacey

No real advice but just wanted to say hi! I also 'have no friends' as such although I work full time so I have colleagues and I also have family living much closer.

What about other mums at school? Can you arrange some play dates for the kids with mums you like/ think you would get on with? Or see what's happening in the area for kids during the hols where you could meet new people. Mums net local and Netmums have lots of suggestions and local listings.

All of the school mums are in 'clicks' theyre all already in large groups of people and I cant just waltz into that, I am trying to be more 'out there' and social.

I take the kids out but its easier said than done when it comes to meeting people x

It's not wrong at all! You are you, a seperate person with your own needs, goals, ambitions, etc. not just a mother or girlfriend. I'm in the same boat. Two kids, one of them being a baby and I'm dealing with the darkest isolation and pp depression of my life. I'd love just one friend or link to the outside world. Humans are social beings, that doesn't disappear just cause you have kids.
Can your bf watch the kiddos so you can take a class or join a group? Do you work currently? There have to be meet up groups near you, yeah? My problem is swallowing my depression to just gear up and get out there sometimes

Unfortunately some people have to work harder at building friendships - I'm the same as you - you have to force yourself to mix in those groups or go out of your way to chat to people even when they're already in a group. Find some common ground - kids are an easy one - and just keep chipping away. Get to school a bit earlier so you can chat one on one rather that arriving when they're already buddied up. Try the 'meet a local mum' threads. I did it once and there was a mum who lived in the next street. I'd recommend meeting at some sort of activity rather than at home - we struggled when the conversation dried up a little.

Im not working at the moment no, but my self confidence is all gone so I find it hard going places alone, I dont even remember how to go somewhere without either my kids or partner, im taking the kids out over the summer and am going to make it my soul mission to make a friend. I love the idea of having someone to talk to that isnt my partner and being invited places I just dont know how ive become so isolated

Have you looked at meetup.com ?

You can register, set location and tick the things that interest you. You'll get emails of meet ups that might suit you. Or, you can make your own.

Also, what about Mush (letsmush.com)? It's similar, only mainly for parents

No? Theyre not like dating websites are they? Is one better than the other?

Are you on Facebook? It can be useful and a good way of being included in local events, school related stuff etc. Are you Facebook friends with any of the parents?

No, those definitely aren't dating sites. They're genuine 'meet up' sites. Have a look and see what vibe you get

Im on facebook,yes but its not really a way to make friends

Ive registered with lets mush and clicked the hi button to a few people in my area il see how that goes

I'm a bit like you OP and I'm embarking on a new hobby next week with the hope of making some new friends.

Good luck!

My DD joined a new school when she was 8 YO and the Mums in the playground were already all 'connected' difficult.. could you join the school PTA? You may need to push yourself out of your comfort zone and keep chipping away and starting conversation with people. I definitely made most of my friends through my children so maybe play dates, activities with them etc. Good luck, Have confidence!

Another thought.. do you enjoy sport? I joined a friendly netball team and met many really lovely ladies, even had a few social events with them!

You need to chat to the people on the edges of the group or those on their own.

With Facebook though you can perhaps send a message to someone you like asking if they fancy doing something (if you're too shy to ask them directly), or go along to an event with your kids or something. Try get yourself out and about. Smile, say hello, good morning that sort of thing. The school playground can be a bit cliquey but I find generally most people are nice enough.

Are you Facebook friends with any of the mums from school? You could try and message with a generic 'hi, if there's any plans for outings over the summer with the kids, is it ok if I tag along?'

I'm positive if I'd received a message from a mum that I didn't really know I would have invited them. Sometimes 'cliques' at school look intimidating but are in reality a group of nice mums..they just don't actively recruit but are more than happy for new 'members'.

Is your partner happy for you to make new friends, or is he part of the problem?

How did you meet your DP? Does he have friends? Are there people you socialise with together who you could build a closer friendship with i.e. his friends' partners? Can you get an evening job like bar work or retail where you'd be part of a team? Or a day job when the kids go back in Sept? Or do a college course? Most people forge their friendships in work or training/education in their 20s as they automatically have something in common that's less random than simply having kids. And even if these things in themselves don't lead directly to friends, they'd give you more to talk about e.g. with the school mums. Once you've talked about the kids, often the next opener is what do you do? And having an answer for that which leads to more chat might make you feel more confident than having to say you're not working right now, which kind of shuts things down unless they're very nosey. Are there parent groups at the school you could get involved in? Things can often seem cliquey from the outside when in fact these groups are often crying out for new blood. It can be tough I know - every fibre in me wanted to run away after I'd volunteered to help on a stall at the school fayre, but I forced myself to do it and it really did me good. Put yourself out there as best you can, take some chances, and try not to let perceived failures put you off. You will find your people.

(and just to be "very nosey" - how come you don't have time to join a gym? when it's not school holidays that is. if it's something you want to do which would help you feel better, couldn't you find a way to go?)

Does netmums still have the meet a mum section? I linked up with a couple of mums this way with kids the same age. Both were newish to the area like I was at the time and struggling