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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Booked meeting with Relate

8 replies

MrsSiba · 02/08/2017 15:10

I have booked a session as I think I need some help to get our marriage back on track and desperately want to talk to someone about the problems we've been having. Invited DH to come but he declined. It came about when DH decided he needed space and time to think and went to his mum's for a couple of nights. I have no family close by and not sure I want to share how bad things are with them just yet. I am mumbling to myself walking along trying to make sense of it and just can't do it any more.

So has anyone used them before and was it worth it? Do I need to do anything before the session?

OP posts:

Mrscropley · 02/08/2017 15:12

Be prepared for ow crawling out of the woodwork. .

Sorry no other advice.

couchtospecialk · 02/08/2017 15:15

Hi MrsSiba. I haven't used them but am in a similar boat to you and am going to suggest to DH that we book an appointment. When I can pluck up the courage to have the talk

I've seen that they do free 25 minute online chats too? Maybe try that first and see what you think?

Original poster

MrsSiba · 02/08/2017 15:47

Good luck Couch not easy to broach. I just came out with it and said I needed it for me and might be good to go together. Will give the online chat a try thanks.

Confident there is no ow.

OP posts:

Isadora2007 · 02/08/2017 15:53

I work for somewhere similar to Relate and I'd say no, you don't need to prepare anything. And even if your husband chooses not to come along to the first session, he could always change his mind and come along to the second... maybe even third. So don't lose hope. Even alone it can be very worthwhile to have space to sort your own head out and get an idea of what it is you want and need to move forward.
Best of luck.

Monstermunch1234 · 02/08/2017 17:49

I tried it. I did the online chat which I found quite useful - it was good to articulate how I was feeling and have someone independent confirm that I wasn't mad. I also had an initial session with a counsellor where they try to get a sense of the problem - I also found that very useful.
I then had about 6 sessions with a counsellor - to be honest I didn't find that to be so helpful. She didn't really offer advice as such, it was more that she tried to steer you into finding a solution for yourself.
Like you I went alone - I think I got more out of the first two sessions than the more in-depth counselling but it may depend on the individual counsellor you are assigned. Good luck.

Original poster

MrsSiba · 02/08/2017 23:27

Thank you for replies. I don't know what to expect and I realise the counsellor you get is crucial but I have no choice in the matter. A steer through the very choppy water I'm in would be so helpful.

OP posts:

BadHatter · 03/08/2017 04:38

Did you want to use us as a sounding board for what's going on in the relationship?

Orangedaisy · 03/08/2017 04:49

I went with ex DH when he decided, out of the blue, that he wanted to leave me. He had been seeing someone else. It was a while back so I have blanked out the fine detail, but the relate lady said 'some men are just programmed to have affairs; once a cheater, always a cheater'. Was kind of the nail in the coffin on the marriage! I am far better off now, but I had hoped they were going to help us stay together, not decide to split.

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