They say the first year of marriage is the hardest

[mude]

Are they right? Getting married in November and I am curious as to why this may be. Does your relationship after marriage?

No thats rubbish
Who are the 'they ' that say this? Divorce rates aren't high in year one so evidence suggests otherwise

I've never heard that. I loved the first year, the honeymoon period if you've never lived together before surely? And if you have been living together, nothing has significantly changed. Why would it be hard? For me, the first year after starting a family was the hardest.

I think you've mixed up marriage with running your own business

No that's rubbish, never ever heard that.

I would say the last year is likely to be the hardest.

I've heard the saying before.

For me it was no different than before, well except constantly call him 'my husband' .

We found out I was pregnant with dd2 a few days after the wedding so had a newborn thrown into the mix too.

I've just celebrated my first wedding anniversary and no it hasn't been hard at all (or if this has been the hardest then the rest will be ridiculously easy).

I'd agree with SoupDragon that the last year of a marriage is hardest, or at least was for me with my first marriage.

Our first year after marriage was pretty hard, but that was life circumstances, not the marriage as such - I had an ecptopic pregnancy 6 weeks, and so emergency life saving surgery (was touch and go for a bit) 6 weeks after we got married. That put a bit of a downer on that initial glow.

Then 6 months later, H had DVT. Again fairly serious.

Plus other ongoing life stuff.

Made the first year a hard one to get through, but nothing to do with marriage as such - all that would have happened anyway.

Mind you, I'm not sure we've had an easy year, tbh , some of the ones after children were harder. 16 years later, we're separated and starting divorce, so we'll see if Soup's right - it'll have to go a long way to beat some of the shit we've been through!

I think that saying comes from a time when couples didn't tend to live together before marriage and the adjustment required to combine their two lifestyles, combined with the pressure of "marriage is for life" (as opposed to when you move in with a partner as a bit of a trial run) made it quite stressful.

It might have been true in the days when people didn't live together before marriage - in fact they might have only seen each other for a few hours a week. I can imagine that would be a shock, suddenly living together. It would be a time when things like financial abuse would come to light, never mind sexual incompatibility. But now all that is usually known before marriage.

First year is wondrous - still honeymoon period, even if you loved together first. I agree with PP, first year after having kids is one of the major testing times for marriage, followed by when the kids leave home.

I think this is an old story. It's been ages since the time was that couples would only live together after marriage. In those days I can well imagine the 1st year(s) was hard, but these days people tend to be together for years and to have lived together for ages before they get married. In my experience it's the mindset that can alter - but not necessarily. My ex certainly became complacent and made lots of requests for me to change my behaviour. We both came from traditions where divorce is less common, but I couldn't take it in the end. We'd been together for years before marriage.

Soup

I agree with pp's OP, it comes from a time when people didn't live together before marriage. Not so much these days.

I've heard it before. Probably more a case of adjusting if you haven't lived together before.

If you already live together, enjoy each other's company, share similar values and can have fun doing nothing, you'll be fine. And you have a few months to discuss expectations and hopes to make sure you're on the same page. Assuming you share the same ideas is often the root of issues that develop over time - resentment, disappointment, conflict vs avoidance. Some people hope marriage will change their relationships, others that nothing will change, so it's worth having a chat about that stuff ahead of the big day!

Would totally disagree with this too, the first year is one of the best! Year 14 on the other hand... 😏

I think it's probably a throw back from when people lived with their parents until marriage so had to get used to living together and being independent for the first time.

I don't really see how things could significantly change when dp and I get married. We have lived together for 4 years and have 3 children!

First year of retired married Life?

I've heard of Retired Husband Syndrome affecting women badly.

However I would like to "rant" that as a 55yo ex-Serviceman who has been away alot, paid all our debts off (incl mortgage) courtesy of my inheritance & dangerous work offshore...why can't I & other husbands retire even if DP still works?

I clean house, shop etc etc but it seems as if Year 1 of retirement is the hardest year of marriage? Why? What do women want? When can a man retire then, ladies?

As someone suggested up thread, I think the first year of living together is hardest, while you get used to each other's habits and find comprises. But by the time I got married we'd done all that. The chief change post-marriage was that I had to keep correcting myself whenever I referred to my 'boyfriend'.

No, the hardest year is when you have your first child or maybe the year one of you loses their job and struggles to find another one, maybe the year you get diagnosed with a life limiting illness.

Honestly your first year is a breeze, there are dozens of life experiences that will really test you through the years.

Enjoy life while its easy it can be quite a ride

Our first year of marriage has been the hardest so far and we've been married for 16 years and together for 6 years before that. We'd lived together for ages so wasn't that we weren't used to living together.

We just seemed to have so many huge arguments. It settled down thankfully.

In my experience yes. We hadn’t lived together before and the first year was hell. We came within a hair’s breadth of separating to the point where I had my bags packed to move back with my parents. I’d say it took the first three years to settle down properly and now it’s 17 years and been hunky dory ever since.

However, I know we’re in a minority not having lived together before.

Mine was thought I'd feel all secure my husband cheated (porn) and i lost any security I thought I had

First year was amazing! It was the second year I could have happily killed him.....got through it though

I think this would be true if you had never lived with your OH before marrying them.

Other than that I can't imagine why being married would make life harder, if anything it should make you feel more secure and content in your relationship

trixymalixy

Can I ask, did you argue a lot before you got married?

If not, what do you think marriage changed about your relationship for that first year?

nosey bride to be