have namechanged. Bit of a long story so here goes.
Was contacted last year on an internet forum for a hobby of mine by another user. Friendly enough , was a man said he was a widower with kids similar age to mine. Chatted for ages about all kinds of things strictly as friends , knew I was married etc . Several months later met with mutual friends for a drink after day taking part in our shared hobby. Within hours of meeting him he was holding my hand (I liked the attention and was flattered someone as good looking would look twice at me to be honest) went home and had more messages from him saying he really liked me, wanted to see me again etc etc. During all of chatting online he made a big thing out of being a widower and raising children alone . A snoop through Facebook showed this to be correct but there was a live in girlfriend on the scene who he failed to mention until the day we met up and he had been with her when his wife passed away.
I have been married many years and in the relationship even longer and it's been in trouble for some time. Husband drinks heavily, has been violent , doesn't want to do anything with me, spend any time with me, rarely have sex etc. We are now separated. I began talking to this OM about the problems in the marriage and he started talking about the problems in his relationship. We became friends but underneath it was a simmering tension of fancying each other. I am ashamed to admit we kissed a couple of times and would hold hands (he always instigated it but I will admit I was happy to go a long with it and the attention made me feel special)
We ended up sleeping together and afterwards he went completely and utterly cold on me. Didn't hear from him for days and days afterwards. Ended up with me making contact. He had a lot going on in his job at the time and said he had a lot of stuff mentally to deal with. I stayed in the background and reverted back to the friend asking if he was ok , suggesting ways he could sort his relationship and family life out and so on. Assumed the sex was a mistake on both our parts and sadly best forgotten. Every now and then he would pop up on wattsapp if him and her had a row or she had walked out. He was all round me saying he missed the friendship, asking how I was , being really nice and pulling me back in. Didn't see him for several months due to me being ill and him having shit to sort out at home. Eventually she left him and he was devastated but she went back to him and his kids. During this period of months I barely heard from him. I missed him very much. The spending time with him the contact but I kept away and tried to put him to the back of my mind. He lives several hundred miles away so not about to randomly bump into him anywhere. He took me off Facebook as a friend when she threatened to leave him one of the times. Said she was asking questions about who I was. I was told by a mutual friend who knew I was upset at the loss of the friendship that I shouldn't cry any tears over him as he had two ex girlfriends who he meets up with for the odd night here and there from time to time and he's a bit of a player. This made me question whether her leaving actually had anything to do with me and actually about other lies he has been telling her. But he was adamant she keeps mentioning my name and asking questions about me.
Anyway about a month ago he randomly gets in touch with me again one afternoon. Totally out of the blue. They have split this time for good. (This is correct I have checked in various places) that he missed me etc etc. He became full on and boiling hot in his emotions and contact almost overnight. Asking to see me all the time. Messaging me every morning and every night and in between. Asking how I was. How my kids were. Taking an interest in my life and me and how I was. I liked it. I really liked it and I really like him (probably against my better judgement) we met up and had lunch and he borough one of his kids along to meet me (just as a friend) but he wanted us to meet. Wanted one of his other kids to meet me too. Then he invited me to his house when he was there alone said he wanted to spend time with me. Just us. Get to know me better. Saying things like my husband was a fool and never deserved me, that he wishes he had met me years ago , I am a great mum , beautiful etc I fell for it hook line and sinker. I wanted to believe what he was saying to me even though in the back of my mind I remembered about these other women and would tell myself Hes probably saying this to loads of us. Anyway I went to see him. Spent a couple of days with him. We slept together. And then just like that.the shutters came down. He only kissed me goodbye when I asked for a kiss goodbye. He went from red hot to ice cold in the blink of an eye it was startling. I made the journey home. Got a long message later that day saying he had too much emotional scars to give me what he thinks I want. He talks about his wife dying a lot. That we should keep things simple and see what happens. That he's not going to ignore me and we can meet up and 'stuff' but he has a lot on and with my kids and distance it's probably all too much. 24 hours before he was saying how wonderful I was then this. He has only rung me once since. He was ringing me 3/4 times a day previously.
I am finding it so hard. I have deleted his numbers so I can't ring or text or wattsapp him. I was checking his wattsapp constantly and seeing he was active on there all the time. Well not to me he wasn't. I feel so upset, hurt, I feel sick, I want to cry. I like him so much and really wanted to g t to know and spend more time with him and he's done this to me. He promised he wouldn't and he has. What have I done wrong. What's he up to? If I give him space and leave him alone will he come back to me again or is he a fuckboy? Been reading lots about narcs and supply. Wondering whether this is the case here.
Sorry this is so long but I am so so confused.