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Original poster

Perspective needed

8 replies

Persephonebrown · 01/08/2017 14:43

I just wanted some happy marriage stories please to help put life into perspective.
Relationships to me always seem to end in affairs. My dad had an affair, my mum then had an affair and left. She married second husband who then had an affair with her friend and left her. My husband of 20 years had an affair and so I left him. I'be been in a relationship for five years (not married) and all I see in the future is him having an affair too. I know my experiences are making me feel this way and that not all marriages end in one being unfaithful. Just wanted some happy marriage stories please, just so I know they do exist!

OP posts:
FuckingHateRats · 01/08/2017 14:45

Gosh I can see how your previous experiences have made you feel like that, but of course many, many people are in relationships with no infidelity.

I met my husband at 17 and neither of us have ever cheated.

Although we will be the only relationship in about four generations which hasn't ended in divorce, on my family's side 😂

Huskylover1 · 01/08/2017 15:35

Well, it's no wonder you feel worried, given that history.

I found out that my first H cheated (throughout our 20 year relationship). Took me a while, but I left him and started over.

I am now married to a wonderful guy, and I honestly don't think he would ever cheat. We are very happy. Been together 9 years.

I'll be honest though, it took me years to get to this place in my head, because once you have been cheated on, it's very hard to blindly trust again. But you will get there!!

Changedname3456 · 01/08/2017 15:43

I think it comes down to your expectations of a marriage. Is it realistic that people will spend 35-40 years with the same person and never stray (physically or emotionally)?

You did pretty well at 20 years. Mine lasted less than half yours before my exW cheated.

PaintingByNumbers · 01/08/2017 15:51

Is it possible to reframe as an affair not being the end of the world? Relationships based on monogamy for 40+ years is a hard ask.

user1494187262 · 01/08/2017 15:51

Affairs don't have to end the marriage.

Original poster
Persephonebrown · 01/08/2017 16:16

Thanks for the replies, a few happy ones in there Smile
I agree that not all affairs end marriage and people can get past it however I'm not one of them! But yes I do sometimes wonder how realistic it is to expect a marriage to last 40 odd years given that we now are all living much longer and it's much easier than before with social media. Personally if I was ever seriously tempted I would leave my relationship rather than ruin other people's lives.
Seriously I just wanted happy success stories Confused

OP posts:
wherearemymarbles · 01/08/2017 16:27

I think quite a lot of people have long happy marriages. Some will have had affairs and been found out and survived and some will have affairs and never be found out. The latter makes it impossible to know what percentage of 30+ year marriages are infact monogamous

wherearemymarbles · 01/08/2017 16:40

But yes, 24 years together and to the best of my knowledge they have been monogamous.

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