Can Muslim Asian and White agnostic ever work?

[ObviouslyNameChangedForThis]

I've met someone and they're lovely... but I'm so scared culture clash will limit the potential of where he can ever take this?

We're both going through divorces and have DC. I'm not looking to be anyone's fling and he's not giving me that impression but he is practicing as is his family and I've told him I will never convert. I'm very clear that I can respect it but it's simply not ever going to be an option for me and I won't ever raise my DC though will fully support him raising his as such obviously.

This is two very different cultures isn't it... has anyone done it successfully or am I simply asking for heartache?

My cousin has been married for donkey's years to a lovely Muslim chap. She hasn't converted but her son and daughter have been raised in the faith. They are both in professional jobs (GP and nurse) she returned to work when the children went to secondary school.

im mixed race. my dad is south Asian Muslim practicing and my mum is white catholic. she never converted but agreed to raise the children Muslim which she has.
my parents discussed exactly what they wanted before they got married and had kids etc..
my dad is not cultural but is religious so it's never really been a problem between them. he was British born and so had a similar cultural upbringing to my mum anyway if that makes sense.

my brother is married to a Mediterranean woman and she too has not converted but they do argue about things as she seems to belittle the things he believes in and not give them any importance.

what I'm trying to say is that as long as you have an understanding before you go any further in the relationship then it can work, my parents have been together for 40 years.
if you make it very clear what each of you thinks and you both agree then fine and you both need to be open-minded enough to accept And respect the differences between you.

I don't think it's going to be easy but it can work.

Yep. DP is Muslim. The only thing we clashed on was circumcision which he agreed not to do. Our kids are being brought up to know about and understand all religions and then they can pick their own one when they are older and have the mental capacity to do so. If they choose to be atheists then fine. We just say "some people believe xxx like Nanny, and others think it's xxx like Nene" etc

I haven't converted and am not expected to at all.

Yeah I know a couple where it worked and no one converted or anything.

I know you want to protect yourself but it would be a shame to miss out on something potentially great.

I think I'm most worried that his family will never accept me if it does progress and his first wife will always be seen as the "real" one especially being mother of his kids. He hasn't suggested marriage btw it's really early days but he did say that his family wouldn't accept him dating anyone he wasn't engaged to... so clearly if I ever get that far I won't actually know the reality till I'm in very deep with my heart

I'm really scared of that!

i was married to a Pakistani man and despite the fact that I'm half Asian myself his family took a lot of time to accept me and made things difficult in the beginning but ultimately they got over it when they realised we were going to get married anyway.
The funny thing is now that we are divorced I get along even better with them and they say they wish we were still together!

How much does his everyday life incorporate his faith and how much of your life would he expect to incorporate it? Would you be happy to arrange your day around prayer, for example? Do you have similar values anyway even though yous are not based in faith? Would he expect you to e.g. give up alcohol, only eat halal food, follow his religious calendar? If he expects of you things you're not willing to do or compromise, it isn't going to work.

I know a very happy couple made up of an atheist and a reasonably religious though liberal Jew and they largely make it work because he sees his faith as his alone and has no expectations of his wife to join him in his practices - with the exception of festivities and so on.

I think much will depend on the believer and whether they are likely to become more orthodox (always possible), I'm not sure I could recommend anyone got involved with someone without similar beliefs (or lack thereof). I speak as a believer who has finally got her husband to church, after over a decade together. There's been a lot of heartache on my part along the way, it isn't an easy journey.

I think this comes down to personalities and willingness to both accept each other's cultures and beliefs, treating neither one as more important than the other. Will you both insist that your families are kind and respectful to your spouse, even if they disapprove? For any marriage to work, each person has to have the other's back. Religion/culture aside, so many problems are caused by a person allowing their family to treat their spouse like crap. Religion/culture differences can add to chance of family disapproval.

You need to agree in advance what you will do about any shared children, how you will treat each others cultural holidays etc. Try and iron out any areas of potrntial conflict in advance.

But like I said, it all hinges on how willing each person is to compromise and put the good of the relationship first. Someone who really loves you will want to make you happy, so will be looking to find ways to make it work.

No problems here, I'm a very lapsed Catholic and DH is Muslim.

There was no need for me to covert. His family accepted me instantly. We do have two DDs and are raising them as Muslim but when they are old enough to choose the choice will be theirs. They identify as Muslim at the moment but that may change.

Religion really hasn't been an issue in our marriage - I do as I please and so does he. The only thing he ever asked was that I didn't eat pork at home (I don't actually like pork anyway). He doesn't care about me drinking, what I wear or anything like that. We've never argued about it. We just bicker about the normal stupid stuff.

The only concern I would have for you would be his family. Some families are 'modern' and some are quite insular. If you marry into an insular family/community expect to take on more of their culture than you may want. I love my husbands family, I call his mum my mum! We like a good gossip on the phone about what's going on in the community

My DP is (2nd generation) Pakistani Muslim and so was my ex. I am white British.

Ex was much more a practicing Muslim, it didn't have an impact on the relationship between the two of us but I never met his family.

Current DP isn't religious in the slightest, his mum is but she's fully accepting of me and his siblings white British partners too.

It really doesn't have to be an issue, but there's so many variables it's obviously hard to say how things will work out.

You might find Dale McGowan's book In Faith and in Doubt useful to read and discuss - it's about mixed faith marriages and what makes them work and what makes them fail.

I agree with an above poster that you have to have each other's back with regards to family.
I was very open with th ex husband about how i would probably never wear hijab even thiugh I am religious in other aspects e.g fasting and praying but he was fine with this anyway.
it all depends on how religious or cultural he is.