Young child meeting OW

[beingmeagain]

My ex left the family home a little over a month ago to live with his OW. We have a 4 year old and I am in the process of moving away to be closer to family which means he will have to travel an hour for visits. At the moment he has moved 20 mins away and although I have said he can see our child whenever he wants, he only comes over once a week for 40/50 minutes. Recently he has said he wants to be able to take our child out alone which again I said was fine but he wants to introduce her to OW and her child (who still lives with her Dad) and have her for overnight visits.

I just want to know if I am being unreasonable by not wanting her to be introduced yet as it is all still very raw and she is very young. I know in the future it will be inevitable but it hasn't even been 2 months yet and he still insists they only got together in last 2 months 🙄 which I don't believe but if it is true then how do I know this relationship will last and should I expose her to this when it is still early days. It sounds like I am trying to stop this for myself but I am actually trying to do the right thing by my daughter. She is going through so much upheaval and is due to start full time school in Sept and I don't feel it will be fair on her to burden her with this too.

So he's telling you he met her a couple of months ago and now he's living with her? Mmmm

I personally believe it's too soon and he should wait.

What has she been told about the reason he left?

Well they got forced into living together as OWs husband found out and that's when he left.

He told her that he wasn't going to be living here anymore and would be living in a different house.

You're not going to be able to stop the introduction or the overnights - not in the mid to long term anyway (depending if he forces the issue through court).

You'd be better explaining your reservations to him and ask that he holds off for a given period. Don't block the overnights, but again talk to him about what you think may suit your daughter. If you live an hour away then realistically it's going to be eow with Friday night.

YANBU. He's being insensitive to your child & you and he's doing it way too soon

It's way too soon but he'll likely do it any way because men in this situation usually do. They want everyone to 'move on' ASAP and accept the new situation as the new normal. They want to as quickly as possible get everyone accepting his new set up as a legitimate thing. Never mind that you, your dd, the ow's child and husband and all extended family are still reeling. There isn't anything that you can legally do to stop it unfortunately . Unless you have legitimate safety concerns about your ex or ow then its excruciating but if he decides to go ahead, all you can do is react to whatever your dd says in the right way..I went for non committal minimal interest and changing the subject. Its v v hard. Good luck.

I'm in a similar situation. I said I didn't want mine meeting OW this soon. And he did it sneakily at a works bbq it's only when DD came home talking about OW I found out. I think 6 months is a minimum to know whether the relationship is serious enough to introduce children. At that age it can be confusing for them. But there's not a thing u can do. Heartbreaking and very frustrating.

I'd be very judgemental of a mum who has left her child to Shack up with a man. It would be good to wait a while before your dc meets ow but may not happen.

Can you explain to him the emotional affect it will have on DD if he rushes things? Will he listen?

Its very difficult as you want the best for DC but as the other parent he can make choices (within the realms of safety) without involving you such as meeting other people as can you.

Be careful he does not kick up a fuss at you moving and him having to travel an hour to collect his DD.
Pick your battles OP was the best advice i was given when dealing with contact of DC with ex.

I agree that he should wait and see if this affair turned relationship has longevity.

No worse way to mess up a child than introducing them to every woman he's with.

I think the OW is pushing for him to have the overnight visits as she knows this is the only way he will stay with her. When I had a conversation with him about how I thought it was too soon he seemed to understand but when he'd had the chance to speak to OW he phoned me and again tried to get me to say yes to introductions and overnight visits. I don't know much about OW but what I do know doesn't really say much about her. I don't see what DD will gain from meeting her and her daughter.

I know I have no legal right to stop this but I know it will be damaging to DD and I will be left to pick up the emotional pieces after.

It makes me so angry that he thinks he can make all the decisions and I have to go along with it. Putting DD aside for a second he hasn't even thought twice about how it makes me feel that he wants to play happy families with someone else and my daughter. Every time I pick myself up he brings me right back down again.

"Putting DD aside for a second he hasn't even thought twice about how it makes me feel that he wants to play happy families with someone else and my daughter"

But you have to let that go. It's not easy - my youngest was only three when exW decided OM was more important than our marriage / me. I know it's cold comfort for you, but at least you don't have OW moving in to the FMH and seeing your DD more often than you do!

Unfortunately it's one of those things you just have to bear. You have to try and forget, even if you never forgive.