Is it normal to feel like this?

[Henrythehoover]

I recently broke up with my ex of 10yrs thanks to mumsnet.

This is my previous thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2948269-Not-sure-how-to-go-on-Feel-like-a-horrible-person?

It's been over a month now and I keep getting the feeling I've made a mistake. I don't know if time is making me forget how miserable I was. Or the lack of money (I'm ridiculously skint) but this feeling keeps coming over me.

I'm feeling very out of control at the moment (not that I ever had any) I'm having to rely on his mum for childcare and just feel out of my depth. I have been in some form of relationship since I was 19 and I'm now 34. I know in my heart feeling this way is ridiculous. I'm trying to keep my distance from him as I don't love him but he has a way of making me feel like I ow him something.

Urgh I wish I was stronger than this. Add to that lately whenever I get stressed I seem to be sick. I know in reality i am happier just other parts of life are so much harder.

Youre not going to find it easy to break the 15 year habit of being in a relationship in a month - its still super early days.

I guess so sad thing is I had never even had a relationship or been kissed before those 15yrs and I was more than happy back then but just need to rember that. My ex always questioned if I could cope with the children ect not that he did anything to help but it's really knocked my confidence. I also feel bad I can't do anything great with the kids. He takes them to all these nice places and buys them nice things while I'm barely keeping my head above water. I know things aren't important but it's hard to remember that sometimes.

You can do a fair few things with a limited budget and even free things. Just have a look online in your area.

I also think you would find counselling useful. Again, there are some free counselling services going. You need to to build back your confidence and get to understand yourself and accept yourself with the help of an experienced counsellor.

No matter what he thinks you owe him... You owe yourself a relationship that is free from abuse and in which you are an equal.

Haven't read your previous thread and am advising based on your post here.

Yes its normal. I am nearly 6 months in and last night he sent me a message to tell me our 9 year old was asking for us to get back together, how sad he is about it, and would I reconsider.

It tugged at the heart strings I tell you. plus the fact finally he looks like he might be sorting himself out. The irony is he has only done that after months of me being away.

I am not returning but I still cry, and I still feel terribly guilty, but its the right thing. I remember your original thread, well done you and take a day at a time. i wrote a lot down in the early months and revisit it if I start to question if it was the right decision.

It is really hard isn't it! I have to keep reminding myself why I did this and that in the long run things will be so much better.

You have been incredibly brave taking the plunge to leave. It will be worth it in the long run and might even make you ex sort himself out (for himself).

Thank you for your replies I've been trying to hold it together and this being sick all the time is getting on my nerves.

It's normal. Our brain's hate change and will try and rebel by going back to 'comfy' even if 'comfy' was actually 'really shit.'

Just keep going and it WILL get easier, you will create a 'new normal' (a better one!!)

Thank you everyone you all know how to make me feel better. I think once my money is sorted out I won't be so worried. I think I picked the wrong time to leave it being so close to the holidays so I had no time to save for someone else other than his mum to have them all the time. Things at home are definetly better than they were. He still keeps trying to hug me on the odd time i do see him or touch my arm ect. He won't have the kids together in a pathetic way of stopping me doing anything that may mean I would meet someone. That would be the last thing I want.

Thanks again everyone feeling alot better today. Was looking at some old photos of us on holiday a few year ago and all looked so happy. But then I remembered how miserable I was most of the time trying to be happy for the kids while being nagged about sex and other things the whole time. It's so easy to gloss over the bar stuff.