Boyfriend's ex wants him back

[rightknockered]

I have been with my boyfriend for a few months now, and things are going well. We're both happy. It's second time around for us, we were together during the 90's but things didn't work out due to geographical distance and work time-table clashes. We keep in touch over the years but in a platonic way, although feelings were still there, we were both committed to other people.
Now his ex wants him back. She has only wanted him back since she found out about me. She has involved their 16 year old daughter who is now crying on the phone to him whenever he is with me. I have sympathy for the daughter, she has ASD and is under pressure from her mother who talks to her about the situation. I want to say she uses the DD, but I don't know for certain.
The problem is that I am consumed with pity and guilt. He says he doesn't want to go back, but I can't bare to be the one that sets his daughter back to where she was a few years ago, a cloud of anxiety and depression, on suicide watch.
I have three on the spectrum, one of whom has problems with anxiety and depression. So this is really very difficult for me. I love him, but I can't do this to her. Should I walk away?

As much as he loves his dd she can't make him relove his ex. .

He needs to have a chat with dd. .

His DD can't force him to go back to his Ex and he shouldn't get manipulated like that.

If you stepped out, do you think he'd go back to her?

If HE doesnt fix this, YOU need to dump him.

he can stop his ex manipulating his DD by giving her damned good bollocking for using emotional blackmail against him via his DD.

He needs to tell the ex that there is no chance of a reconcilliation, and that his abuse of their DD will make any form of communication between them impossible.

Then he needs to explain to DD exactly what is going on and that no, he won't be going back to the ex.

You sound very sensitive and compassionate. I would take a long hard look at the situation.

Is he able to help his daughter with her distress? Is this a situation you feel he can control? Do you see her calming down under his influence?

Does the ex contact him directly in a romantic way? If so, how is he dealing with it?

If you feel like you are basically in the middle of a messy shitshow that he has no power to clean up then protect yourself and take a break.

Why did they split in the first place?

He needs to step up to the plate here. It's very common for ex's to try to use DC's as currency.

He needs to reassure his DD that she's not losing him. Getting back with his ex won't ultimately improve his relationship with his DD, plus it sounds like the split was for a reason.

Plus you need to respect his decision - you sound v empathetic, but don't know the full experience of that relationship. If he said it's over, it's over

Another one saying what a lovely kind person you sound like. The sort of person who makes a great new partner for her ex, not that she'll see that!