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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you be honest with your parents?

8 replies

Whathappensnowthen · 01/08/2017 12:50

I posted the other day about a date I have coming up in a few weeks. Not sure if I fancy him etc. We've been firming up plans, times etc and, as he's travelling a long way to see me, he's booking a hotel.

Now, I really don't know how the date will go, whether I'll 'like' him or we'll just get on as friends. I just want to go with the flow really.

But here's the thing. This will sound like a teenagers dilemma, but here goes! The children and I live with my parents. It's only temporary and I am paying rent to them, so not taking advantage in that sense, but until my tax credits claim has been processed, I can't afford to live elsewhere due to me working and having high childcare costs.

My parents are very traditional and have very strict views about relationships etc etc. I've been divorced once already, so am already the 'black sheep' and have had lectures about who I should see/whether it is right to be staying out etc when I was first going out with the chap who became my second husband. I didn't have to pay much attention as I had my own place at the time. I just know I'm going to get a lecture about it being too soon to start dating again, them wanting to meet him first, me being home by a certain time. I know this sounds daft - I'm 38! But as I say, they did it before. Only this time, I'm living with them. I'm worried they might actually tell me to move out if they don't 'approve' of my behaviour. I have nowhere else to go, so don't want to risk this.

However, from a safety perspective, would it not be sensible to tell them where I'm going and who I'm meeting? Although I have chatted online with this chap for months, we've never actually met.

So what would you do? Lie and say I'm meeting some girlfriends and might be staying out late with them, or be honest and say I'm meeting a fella?

OP posts:
mrscropley · 01/08/2017 12:53

Lie. .
They may be your dps /ll - but they aren't your keeper.

Besides what is there to tell them yet anyway?
Can you imagine turning up for a first date with a questionnaire prepared by your dps for the poor bloke??

Dawnedlightly · 01/08/2017 12:54

Ask your parents to mind your dcs tonight as you're meeting up with specificfriend
Then explain to specificfriend what you're doing- that way she'll be first point of contact from a safety POV.
Hope it goes well!

Whathappensnowthen · 01/08/2017 13:00

The date isn't for another few weeks (he works abroad a lot) so I have time to prepare I guess. Ex has children on Friday and Saturday nights, so no probs with childcare (hopefully).

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 01/08/2017 13:01

If it weren't for the fact that you have to live with them, I'd normally say tell the truth of you want to and they can just deal with it. But in this case I would lie. Why deal with the drama? As for safety, tell your friends where you'll be.

threedayrule · 01/08/2017 13:12

If your kids are with their dad I would call a friend. Speak to them about where you are going so they are your safety then tells
Your parents you are with the same friend. It's not worth the hassle until you know it's going somewhere imo.

Whathappensnowthen · 01/08/2017 19:11

I think I agree threedayrule, until I know where the friendship/relationship is heading, it isn't worth the hassle that telling my parents would bring!

OP posts:
Seenoevil · 01/08/2017 19:42

Lie and just tell a friend for the saftey aspect.

ivykaty44 · 01/08/2017 19:45

Nothing to do with your parents

Tell a friend where you are etc for safety but

On a need to know basis - they have no need to know

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