Lonely and sad - divorce, few friends. Can anyone help?

[Anothernamechange101]

Have name changed as embarrassed.

Separated from STBXH for a year and still feeling so sad and lost despite doing my best. He left me and has now started divorce and I'm a crying mess. I spend more time in his head than living my life. The house is empty, I don't like being on my own, I feel anxious.

On the surface I come across as coping. I have a good job which I enjoy, I run my little house, I smile through the day, I come across as independent. Inside it looks different. I'm so lonely. I only have few friends, who are lovely but busy, and all efforts to make new ones have failed. Joining clubs, Meetup etc. At the end of the day they all go home to their families. I crave children of my own.

I am scared that I will slip into depression. I had a few counselling sessions when it first happened but had to stop at the time due to money being short.

I feel so pathetic that a year later I am still struggling. All I want is someone to put their arms around me and tell me I will be alright.

What has helped you to get trough?

it will be alright. Lots of people have been thru this period in their lives and come out the other side better for it.

Thank you, noego.

yes, it will be alright.
many people feel lonely inside really.
being alone is better than being in a relationship that's not working.
maybe you need something to occupy you more.

I understand have been through it myself.....why not get a cat then when you get home you will have something to cuddle up to also as its a responsibility will make you feel more valued....I would suggest a dog but if your working full time unless you have someone who could help out with daytime care....if you like dogs you could volunteer to walk dogs at your local animal shelter it's surprising how many nice people you meet while out dog walking...it will get better i promise...be kind to yourself and treat yourself with love and affection

Thank you. I have been thinking about a cat actually but have wondered what to do if I am away for a weekend etc.

I promise one day, you won't give a shit about him. Unfortunately I have to see mine as we have dc. I love the dc but I do see the benefit of not having had them with HIM.

It's been three years for me. Divorce finalised a couple of months ago and I'm relocating (house has fallen through! Now THATS stressful at the moment. Always something).

I'm planning on being a lot more proactive about making friends when I finally move. How old are you?

Putting arms around you, it will be ok. The first year is he hardest and getting through the 'first' of everything on your own. Can you go to some exercise classes? What about getting a dog? Great for company and exercise and good talking points to chat to people too.

You're not alone I feel exactly the same, very anxious, no friends really and live in a foreign country. Stuck here because of DD. DH and I not divorced but live separately and don't really speak, just co/parent. Super lonely.

You get a cat sitter or a neighbour to look after the cat if you go away.
There are always loads of posts on our local facebook community page asking for recommendations for this kind of thing.
On meetup.com are you joining singles clubs?
I've just joined a couple of them but not managed a meet up yet as been busy.
It's daunting but I will go to one soon.

It took me a good year to start to feel like myself again.
But my friends were with me every step of the way - god love 'em!

Keep going with clubs it took me a year to make friends in the choir I joined.
There is no right length of time to heal everyone is different. Be kind to yourself.

Thank you everyone for your kind word. Sorry to hear others going through the same .

I've just turned 35. I feel whatever I try people are either wrapped up with their families or are super busy singles, enjoying their freedom. I don't know anyone in a similar situation to me. I feel everyone around me is settled except for me.

I have been staying away from singles meetups as I thought they were all about dating.

Whereabouts are you OP?

Get a timed cat feeder for weekends away, and a cat sitter for longer trips. Don't let tilt stop you getting a cat - they are much easier than dogs to leave, and fantastic companions.

You shouldn't feel bad that you're feeling low after a year - doesn't sound surprising to me. It will get better. Keep going with clubs and activities. Yoga is good for peace of mind.

Thank you. I am really considering a cat.

I'm in the south west. Small town, not much happening here at the best of times.

What sort of hobbies do you have....

I love music and sing in a choir. I like arts and crafts, which is not really a group thing. I did a language class which has now finished, and I do yoga and swim occasionally.