Great website for managing emotional abuser

[Seaweed42]

Just found this great website for advice on how to respond to an emotional abuser, or a tricky relative who is trying to control you. Haven't read the whole website, only this page which has some great statements to use to deflate a situation without confrontation
www.nicolamethodforhighconflict.com/how-to-stop-emotional-abuse-advanced/

That's amazing

Sorry. It's rubbish.

This person clearly has never been abused by anyone

What a load of rubbish

The only sane response to an emotional abuser is to head for the hills

Lot of old rubbish I am sorry to say. The only way to deal with emotional abusers is to leave them.

Agree.
You can't 'manage' an abuser. Get the fuck out.

Too much writing on the page!

I did like 'it seems like you think ...' though...

'It sounds like ..'

BUT why stay with someone who treats you this badly! This is the incorrect advice for this situation.

The advice given is possibly more suitable for someone in customer services... not a personal relationship.

Sad that these sites exist...

People can't always leave. A child can't easily leave a parents house. An employee may not always be able to leave a job when they need the income. And leaving a relationship may not be something that can be done immediately. Having said that, it all reads like hard work. I think I spent most of my marriage "managing" this sort of behaviour and it's exhausting.
So as a stop gap until you can leave, maybe. As a way to leave- No.

God that made me feel drained just skimming through it! Who's got the time/energy to go through all that malarkey with their partner every bloody day?! Just bin them off surely!

God that made me feel drained just skimming through it! Who's got the time/energy to go through all that malarkey with their partner every bloody day?! Just bin them off surely!

Because it's just not always practical is it? If it was and everyone was able to recognise domestic abuse and had the tools to remove themselves from those situations there'd be no abusive relationships would there? It's not just about partners and spouses it's to deal with family members that you can't avoid. Personally I can see how it would work at alleviating some of the day to day abusive situations but in the long term, yes, the only thing that works is getting the fuck away from them.

You're right when you ask who has the time or energy to deal with this shit though. It certainly does drain all your mental resources doing so hence the mental breakdowns and poor mental health many abused people suffer. That website as a short term assistance tool is somewhat effective but only distance prevents your abuse from abusing you, that technique could never actually change and abuser.

It seems like you think I have done something wrong by posting this here?
Let's call it 'low grade' emotional abuse. Like dealing with a controlling parent or mother in law. Or a spouse who occasionally flares into controlling but you don't necessarily want to leave them. Or if a sibling has BPD or somesuch, so you are not in contact with them all the time but sometimes you need to be. Or a teenager who can't see their own behaviour. Or, like me, if you suffer emotional abuse from a sibling via group family emails.
Or maybe I am only at the thin edge of those wedges...
I think having those statements there can defuse things and put the ball back into the other person's court.

MsGame - I was indeed being a touch glib, I apologise. Of course it's not as easy as 'just leave'. I'm just not a fan of anything that implies it's the victims job to 'manage' their abusers behaviour, it's bullshit.

Seaweed: the only acceptable level of abuse is no abuse. 'Minor' abuse the you 'manage' stills eats you up and results in you compromising your own self, changing your own natural behaviour.

As someone who was in a 'boiling-frog' relationship, I stand by my earlier comment. Get the fuck out of an abusive relationship

Eight years out of my situation and I haven't fully recovered and I don't think I will. I'm ok about it to be honest. This way I can never be suckered in again.