You are all so right about coercive control

[EasyToEatTiger]

I've mentioned on here for years my husband's strange sexual behaviour and general attitudes.

He has now gone to a solicitor to write a letter saying I have to move out of my house within a week because I am abusive and I kicked him. He recently got me arrested for apparently punching him. I am going to my solicitor tomorrow. I am horrified by his crushing desire to cause harm. When I was in custody I said to the solicitor that I really don't think I punched my husband, and he said they wanted me to get out so it was easier just to accept that my hand had met part of him. I have certainly never kicked him. Ever. I am horrified that he is lying in order to cause harm. The police asked me to make a statement and today I have been to see the WA person at the police station. I have also taken my children and myself to the gp, and will have to go again because one of my daughters is really suffering. If I am made to move out of my home, my children and other family will not be safe. I will be making a video statement which I dread, which will then be passed to the CPS.

My husband has form in telling me I have done to him what he has done to me. I have never sexually assaulted him and nor have I called him a cunt and worse. I have never been vitriolic towards his family or friends and I have never insisted on being right all the time.

He controls the family money, although he doesn't tell me what to spend. I am very low maintenence anyway.

He has behaved appallingly to one of our children, and I fear that if he wasn't using me to vent his vitriol it would be her next. He has told me he's not a monster.

Just venting. It's very frightening being here.

Yesterday I had a meeting with my solicitor. I told her I didn't want to go to court and be accused of mis-doings by my husband's paid mouthpiece. I have not heard anything new. I decided with the solicitor that we will wait. I hope I can make this video statement soon. Everyone is on holiday at the moment. Great.

I also have a problem with WA in that I live on the border between 2 counties. So, instead of travelling half a mile to the nearest WA person I have to travel 20 miles.

I am not going to petition my husband for divorce until I have some idea of what the police are going to do, unless I have to take action because he is being a moron.

That's a pain having to travel 20 miles when there's a WA advisor half a mile away. Is there no way round this? I realise that's probably the least of your problems at the moment though! Do make good use of the car while the keys are available!

Yes, it's a bloody nuiscance that WA are dragging their feet. I have a car of my own. It's a glorified fuel guzzling shopping trolley. My husband has spent the past 15 years driving around in vehicles bought by me. He sits on my chairs at my tables eating my food. He listens and loses my cds. I am almost worried about my husband's behaviour. He is not making sense. So much for his Wonderful Ego Massage Therapy. Perhaps all the time his therapist intended to expose him as the monster he is.

At the moment I feel quite abandoned. The seargant in charge told the vid. interview people it was urgent. I have heard nothing. Everyone is away on holiday.

Today I took my daughter for her first music lesson as she has been lent an instrument. She did well. I took my other daughter to band practice which she says she enjoyed.

My own work has suffered and although I have lots to do I have not been doing it.

Is there any place you can go to work, where you'll feel separated from what's going on at home? It can be very helpful to focus on something else for a while, and of course your work helps you to feel constructive & worthwhile.

I well know the feelings of shock & disbelief when you're "loved one" finally forces you to see the truth. Try to be kind to yourself, as you would to a friend in similar circumstances.

• your loved one. The internet's infected my spelling!

I work from home and whatever I do is generated by me. I have struggled and lived with issues of abuse for most of my adult life. When I am offered good things, I tend to jeopardise them. When other people hit the ground running, I hit the ground. This has been changing, like making a handbrake turn on a container ship, and really good, lovely things have been happening to me.

I am a middle aged woman with a crappy past and shit marriage.

Howl howl howl howl! Ow Ow Ow Owwwwwwwww

Whats up love?

Do you need urgent help?

No but thank you for asking. I was just feeling sorry for myself. My past casts a long shadow, and sometimes it feels a bit overwhelming.

It's ok.

Be emotional on here if you need.

Have you had any update re the video statement? Is it worth chasing it up?

I have emailed the police officer and told him that I still haven't heard anything. My husband is becoming increasingly irrational.

I am very afraid that I will not be believed and that my relationship issues are too trivial.

You have evidence here on this thread that his abuse is affecting your mental health, also of his financial abuse. Have you other MN threads as well? I will PM you.

I have printed out quite a lot of old threads dating back to 2012. Not the recent ones though. There is zero MH support in the part of the world where I live apart from anti-depressants, valium and beta blockers. Yum.

My husband's behaviour financially has always been a mystery. I have struggled throughout my life with my own financial worth and live on a shoestring. My husband has always spent beyond his and our means, and naturally blames me for not getting a magic job to save us all.

Years ago I remember talking to a colleague and saying how most people go out into the world with the thoughts that they deserve to be paid and valued. In this respect I come absolutely from the wrong side of the tracks. I have always been open about this to my husband, and have worked hard on myself to change the situation.

My husband is retired, and works only when it suits him. He says loudly and clearly that he is retired, gets occassional bits of work, maintains very expensive hobbies which involve only him. He expects the world to turn up at his door, and gets a new hobby when the world doesn't come gagging for his services. He's very odd. He's always been like this.

Managed to get away for a couple of days with the children. What a relief it was to see friends and family. We went to the bookshop and bought lovely lovely books for my step grandchildren. My husband takes no interest in them. He keeps them firmly away. His relationship with his adult children is very strange.

Back to the grind of being invisible. My husband has been badgering me for the marriage certificate and details of my solicitor. He can eff off. Having invented spurious and false allegations against me, he is digging a hole for himself. He really is a total shit.

Can't offer any useful advice but bumping for traffic.

Thank you NurseB! Just thinking about our relationship is quite overwhelming. My husband withdrew affection over a year ago when I told him I didn't like being groped. I was trying to sleep and found his hand between my legs fidling with my vagina. It was horrible. He got angry and said he was showing affection . He often used me as an accessory for a wank. He has always been quite wooden with sex. I think most of the time I was just a sperm receptacle. It is confusing thinking about it. My husband said he'd never hurt me and that he'd stop if I said so. I went along with it, having big gaps in our relationship with no sex. The whole thing is a mess and I don't know where I stand at all.

Since my husband found a solicitor to get me thrown out of my home on the basis of spurious and untrue claims, I have heard nothing further apart from that my husband wants the marriage certificate which he ain't going to get from me, and he wants my solicitor's name, again which is no use to him whatsoever until he hears from her. Still nothing from the police. How long does this go on for? Bloody hell.

My husband is a misogynist. It's stupid things like yesterday I mentioned Penny Dreadfuls, the 19th century rags full of exciting stories and embellished news. He immediately told me that they had been printed for women as an early incarnation of a gossip mag. . His assessment is wrong; just plain wrong. Although he is on 'good' behaviour, any woman he mentions is In The Wrong. When he called me a cunt, he expressed verbally how he has treated me.