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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sudden sense of urgency

10 replies

tyvm1 · 31/07/2017 19:49

I've never been particularly fussed about being in a relationship, although have had a couple of long term ones up to now, the most recent ending in divorce. I'm in my mid 30s and have been single for two years.

In those two years I've done a bit of casual dating and have had plenty of casual sex. But over the last few months I've been feeling this real urge for stability, and a boyfriend, and maybe even a family (always been v ambivalent about this)

I met someone in march who I saw for a couple of months, and when we 'split' this urge increased ten fold. I got dating straight away and have been seeing someone else for a couple of months now (after a few dates with other men). We haven't had a chat about the status of our fledgling relationship but it's fun, we have sex, we have shared interests, he seems kind... etcetc although he's only been single a short time

I was reading a thread on here earlier from a woman who says moving in after 8 months of dating was 'too soon' and most posters agreed. I found myself thinking 'gosh I hope I'm clear on whether I'm going to be living with someone much sooner than that.' Which is of course mad. Previously I wouldn't have considered living with someone so soon

Is this just my age? I have no interest in dating someone with which I see no future. I'm not sure what I'm saying or asking really. I guess - do things move quicker when you're older? Or not? What if it doesn't work out with the guy I'm dating now and I don't date anyone I like again for another two years? And then we get to know each other, then live together then consider children... I could be 40. When if at all do you have the talk with someone you're dating about where things are going?

Have others felt similarly when single a bit older? I was last single when I was 26 and this feels very different. And I've never been that bothered about this sort of thing before.

OP posts:
tyvm1 · 31/07/2017 19:50

Gosh that's so long! With very little point! BlushBlush

OP posts:
Desmondo2016 · 31/07/2017 19:54

Omg comoletely normal. And let's face it, biologically quite necessary! I knew after about an hour that I would marry my husband! We did wait 3 years to fully live together but that was due to logistics more than choice

CherriesInTheSnow · 31/07/2017 20:04

"Too soon" is entirely subjective though, and there is no blanket answer of what too soon might be for every relationship.

My DH and I were inseparable from when we met, there was nothing official but that was just the way it was. We got pregnant after only 18 months together but it all felt right. Its great :)

What I'm trying to say is don't feel you have to jump through loops of societal norms. That's not the same as saying just jump into bed with him and get pregnant right away, but don't feel the need to wait for a series of pre decided time frames because anything less would be "too soon" :)

MollyWantsACracker · 31/07/2017 20:56

Sounds like you've arrived at the exit door in the Casual Dating lounge 🙂😉

peachgreen · 31/07/2017 21:01

I knew I would marry DH by the end of our first afternoon together (which wasn't a date). I was 28. Complicated circumstances meant that we didn't see each other for a year but I still knew he was the one, as did he. When we eventually started dating he asked me to move on after 3 weeks. Engaged 18 months later, married 6 months after that and now expecting our first baby. I've never been so certain of anything in my life and nor has he. It's been utter bliss.

tyvm1 · 01/08/2017 11:26

Ha yes I think I have Molly! Who I'll be going through that door with I don't know... if anyone!

OP posts:
tyvm1 · 01/08/2017 11:28

It's nice to hear the positive stories Smile

Although I'm feeling this urge I'm also terrified of commitment/making important decisions etc. Am never confident in my choices. That's a whole other story though!

OP posts:
Huskylover1 · 01/08/2017 11:30

My DH moved in with me after 8 months. Still together, 9 years on and very happy. Do what feels right for you!

TheNaze73 · 01/08/2017 11:59

Just tread carefully with him. After a couple of months, if that subject was broached with a lot of men, they'd be off like a shot.

Tazerface · 01/08/2017 20:51

Now DH had moved in with me within about 4 months - not by choice, his flatmate went to jail Shock and had ended the lease without telling him. Also cleaned him out of all his possessions which was nice of her!

I was a bit annoyed that having just moved into my own one bed flat I still didn't have any time alone (had been living in shared houses at uni before then) but that was 13 years and three kids ago so I guess it worked out!

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