Me and DH have been together for 10 years and have three children (8, 6, 4). We are very happy and DH is a good husband and dad. He is 20 years older than me, I'm in my late-twenties.
When we got together we had great sex. Then when I was pregnant for the first time, his interest in sex tailed off. It became 1-2 times per year. For a while it was every 18 months. I didn't initiate because I got the impression he did not want sex, and he turned me down a few times. I was busy with the children so I put it to the back of my mind.
In the last year I've returned to university and have received some male attention. It's made me realise what I'm missing at home, and the impact of the lack of sex on my confidence and well-being has been negative.
In January I told DH that it had reached crisis point and that I really need more intimacy with him. He went to the GP and was taken off some medication. DH stepped up and for a few weeks it was once a week.
However, it has now tailed off again to once every 4-6 weeks. He prefers to schedule sex rather than it emerging spontaneously. So we put the children into nursery on a Saturday morning in order to make time for sex. DH is not interested in sex on an evening or morning or when we have a holiday without the children.
So the frequency and lack of spontaneity are the problems. The other main problem is the fact that he doesn't want me to touch his genitals at all, and doesn't want intercourse. We cuddle and kiss (a little) during sex but now he always gently pushes me away when I go to touch his penis. He has always struggled with having an orgasm (during sex), so it could be his self-consciousness about that. I know he occasionally masturbates. Anyway he refuses to talk about our sexual problems, citing embarrassment.
So our sex life consists of DH giving me an orgasm and then him falling asleep. It's not fulfilling because I feel he is giving me sex as a favour, not because he desires my body.
Can anyone shed any light on what is happening with DH? Why he doesn't want a sex life with me? Is it likely he has lost his libido?